Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that higher authorities can avoid wasting money on abstract art and allocate state funds to essential things. I agree with it because education and
food
need more attention as far as I am concerned I am in the favour of latter notion.
To commence with, there are myriads of aspects that are needed for the country's development like educational institutes, food
resources, improving the transport system flourishing the infrastructure of buildings, and maintaining the heritage monuments. To explicate, organizations should pay attention to increasing the number of schools because the future of the country is present in upcoming generations. For example
, an international survey depicts that high literacy directly affects the GDP of the state. Thus
, expenditure on education is more important than arts.
Another point to be considered, on the daily usage, of hospitals, parks, and transport where the people mostly go. Furthermore
, governments should analyze the health of people by providing nutrient-rich food
. For instance
, in China, locals grow food
and vegetables in pots and on top of the roof. However
, in the modern era, there are multiple apps where people do abstract art and earn from it so authorities should conflict and focus on other aspects.
To sum up
, for the aforementioned reasons, the governments should focus on other aspects that most of life and flourishing on educational institutes and invest in health care centers
and recreational facilities.Change the spelling
centres
Submitted by alviusman18 on
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task achievement
Your essay introduces the main point clearly but lacks a strong thesis statement. Explicitly state your position on whether the government should spend more on essential services rather than the arts in the introduction.
task achievement
While you enumerate various areas that need government funding, your points need more detailed explanations and examples. This will help provide stronger support for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity. Clear topic sentences and concluding sentences can help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use cohesive devices like 'moreover,' 'in addition,' and 'on the other hand' to create a more seamless flow between your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a more distinct conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your stance clearly.
task achievement
Your essay covers a range of areas that the government should focus on, demonstrating breadth in your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have included an example related to literacy and GDP, which helps to support your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with clear paragraphs, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite