Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Some
people
Change noun form
people's
opinion
is nowadays kids are less active than in the past. Due to
this
opinion
elder Add a comma
opinion,
people
believe that sports lessons must be forced in schools. In
Correct word choice
Overall
overall
I agree with this
subject and I will explain my point of view in the following essay.
These days some people
especially parents think that their children
need some more useful activity like learning an instrument or improve
their math skills Wrong verb form
improving
furthermore
they believe that working on their children
mindset about these things and Change noun form
children's
help to
their mental Wrong verb form
helping
health
are more important than working on their body or physical health
. For instance
, some people
Change noun form
people's
opinion
is making desire
facilities in schools and paying for great Replace the word
desired
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
from
government money is wasting money.
Change preposition
with
On the other hand
, government
Correct article usage
the government
due
to avoid Change preposition
apply
from pay
Wrong verb form
paying
some
enormous money Correct quantifier usage
apply
on
Change preposition
to
health
department
like doctors or pills Fix the agreement mistake
departments
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
prefer
to have students or Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
children
that
are healthy and don’t need any medical care in the future and avoiding from obese and Correct pronoun usage
who
fatness
. Replace the word
fat
Also
, sports will learn
Verb problem
teach
children
to have more discipline and learn how to work in a team which help people
if they grow older and want to work for government
, they will be more adaptable and flexible than other Add an article
the government
people
that
don’t have any Correct pronoun usage
who
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
experiences
. Fix the agreement mistake
experience
In addition
, researches demonstrate that having a
physical activity will improve mental Correct article usage
apply
health
and assist people
to avoid from
needing to therapist
Change preposition
apply
To sum up
, although
it is too hard to have plan
and Add an article
a plan
making
Wrong verb form
make
people
to agree that who are
not agree with Verb problem
do
this
opinion
but
it is so Correct word choice
apply
much
important to have Fix the agreement mistake
apply
healthy
new generation and young Add an article
the healthy
a healthy
people
.Submitted by mr.sadeghnezhadengineer on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear effort to address the prompt and provide a balanced view on the topic. However, there are areas for improvement. To strengthen coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases to help guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure all aspects of the question are fully answered. While your essay partially addresses the prompt, it could benefit from a more detailed explanation and more specific examples to support your arguments. Try to balance both the supporting and opposing views more evenly to show a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which sets a strong foundation for your essay.
supported main points
You provide relevant points about both the opposing views on the importance of physical activity in schools and the potential benefits of sports lessons, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.