Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #works #art #paintings #statues #cities #places

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In recent years, several places have been developed into

art

cities. Personally, I completely agree

with

Change preposition

that

show examples

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should spend budgets for supporting arts; there are two major reasons, and they will

be illustrates

Change the verb form

be illustrated

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in the following paragraphs: First and foremost, arts give inspiration to people

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

make them create new pieces of work. When people walk around the

creative’s

Change noun form

creative

show examples

areas, they will be given motivation to inspire the idea of their work.

For instance

, photographers often employ the Statue of Liberty to take their

masterpiece

Fix the agreement mistake

masterpieces

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for

the

Correct article usage

apply

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magazines

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

make

Wrong verb form

making

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them create a new product of

art

Moreover

, it provides opportunities

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for

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occupation to

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

. If plenty of artists have an income from their works, it will develop a positive attitude toward the younger generation to the artist career.

As a result

, they will have the courage to dream of becoming an artist and make an effort to pursue their dreams.

Secondly

, works of

art

develop the identity of places that encourage the tourist industry. If artists are allowed to entire the spaces, they are capable of creating

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

local

art

–showing the identity of culture. That provides new experiences to travellers, and develops a positive impression on them;

in addition

, it improves the quality of local people because they are able to create new careers to support tourists.

For example

, the road of arts in Penang city,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is the destination of explorers who visit Malaysia,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

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develops new occupations to local areas

such

as hotels, local restaurants, and others. As I mentioned, there are plenty of advantages provided by the

art’s

Change noun form

art

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city. Especially people’s perspective and signature of tourist attractions.

Therefore

, the government should spend more money on enhancing the place of

art

Submitted by jeebjib14 on Wed Sep 11 2024

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coherence

Your essay could benefit from clearer and more organized argumentation. While you have some strong points, the logical connections between them could be improved. In your first main paragraph, the connection between art providing inspiration and its impact on people's work could be elaborated more.

language

There were some slight grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affected the clarity of your arguments. For instance, 'government should spend budgets for supporting arts’ should be 'the government should allocate budgets to support the arts.' Moreover, 'it will develop a positive attitude toward the younger generation to the artist career' is a bit awkward. Consider rephrasing to 'it will encourage the younger generation to view an artistic career positively.'

task response

Try to incorporate more diverse and detailed examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and relatable. Examples from different areas and the impact of art on different societal aspects would be beneficial.

structure

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well. You clearly state your agreement with the statement, and this provides a good structure for the rest of the essay.

ideas

You provide a variety of reasons supporting your agreement, touching on inspiration, new job opportunities, cultural identity, and tourism. This demonstrates that you have thought deeply about the prompt.

examples

Your use of specific examples, such as the Statue of Liberty and the road of arts in Penang city, adds credibility to your essay and helps illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In modern era, it is easy to sell, buy and work with other people through internet. But others against it. Do you think this is positive trend or negative trend.

Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet. While the Internet is convenient, it has many negative effects and its use for educational purposes should be restricted. How far do you agree with this statement?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?