IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Today there are many people whose health is not very good and whose situation is worse day to day.
Due to
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this
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, they visit their doctors,
although
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someone
Correct your spelling
some
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wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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 to treat themselves with other treatments and medicines. In my opinion, it has more negative sides compared with positive ones. Why is
this
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 negative?
Because in
Correct word choice
In
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 many ways we don't know
the
Correct article usage
apply
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many things, and we can hurt each other or ourselves; meanwhile, doctors are professionals, and they
are specialized
Wrong verb form
specialise
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on
Change preposition
in
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this
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 term actually in medicine. If you can find the right person who can help you
in
Change preposition
with
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 your treatment, you don't need any alternatives.
For example
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, my uncle had a very weak heart. His immune system was in the same situation.
However
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, he had thought it was doubtful; he bought
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 drugs that he saw in advertising on TV could help him
and
Correct word choice
apply
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to be fresh, like
in
Change preposition
at
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young
Correct article usage
a young
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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. As expected, it was not the truth, and his health had become worse.
This
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 problem was because he did not trust someone like a professional.
On the other hand
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, we have the positives. They are the cheaper way. Personally, I cannot say that we need to transfer money for health, but in many places and medicine
Change the spelling
centres
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centers
Add a comma
centers,
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 there are doctors who can lie to you.
For instance
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, they can give or recommend to you some treatment and drugs and say that they will assist you, but in
reality
Add a comma
reality,
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 they wish to buy you very expensive things. In conclusion, I have to say that it will be well if you find your usual doctor and who you can trust with your treasure.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be more attention-grabbing and clearer in stating your thesis. Try specifying what you will be discussing in a slightly more engaging manner.
coherence and cohesion
Work on providing smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help in making your essay more readable and coherent.
task achievement
Expand on your main points - perhaps include more counterarguments. You mentioned positives but did not fully explore them. Balance your discussion for a more thorough analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors like 'someone wants' which should be 'some people want' or 'to be fresh, like in young ages' which should be 'to feel young and fresh again.' Such errors affect clarity.
task achievement
You did a good job by illustrating your points with an example, which makes your argument more relatable.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion clearly summed up your stance, providing a coherent end to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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