Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Today there are many people whose health is not very good and whose situation is worse day to day.
Due to
this
, they visit their doctors, although
someone
Correct your spelling
some
wants
to treat themselves with other treatments and medicines. In my opinion, it has more negative sides compared with positive ones.
Why is Correct subject-verb agreement
want
this
negative? Because in
many ways we don't know Correct word choice
In
the
many things, and we can hurt each other or ourselves; meanwhile, doctors are professionals, and they Correct article usage
apply
are specialized
Wrong verb form
specialise
on
Change preposition
in
this
term actually in medicine. If you can find the right person who can help you in
your treatment, you don't need any alternatives. Change preposition
with
For example
, my uncle had a very weak heart. His immune system was in the same situation. However
, he had thought it was doubtful; he bought that
drugs that he saw in advertising on TV could help him Correct determiner usage
the
and
to be fresh, like Correct word choice
apply
in
Change preposition
at
young
Correct article usage
a young
ages
. As expected, it was not the truth, and his health had become worse. Fix the agreement mistake
age
This
problem was because he did not trust someone like a professional.
On the other hand
, we have the positives. They are the cheaper way. Personally, I cannot say that we need to transfer money for health, but in many places and medicine Change the spelling
centres
centers
there are doctors who can lie to you. Add a comma
centers,
For instance
, they can give or recommend to you some treatment and drugs and say that they will assist you, but in reality
they wish to buy you very expensive things.
In conclusion, I have to say that it will be well if you find your usual doctor and who you can trust with your treasure.Add a comma
reality,
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on
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task achievement
Your introduction could be more attention-grabbing and clearer in stating your thesis. Try specifying what you will be discussing in a slightly more engaging manner.
coherence and cohesion
Work on providing smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help in making your essay more readable and coherent.
task achievement
Expand on your main points - perhaps include more counterarguments. You mentioned positives but did not fully explore them. Balance your discussion for a more thorough analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors like 'someone wants' which should be 'some people want' or 'to be fresh, like in young ages' which should be 'to feel young and fresh again.' Such errors affect clarity.
task achievement
You did a good job by illustrating your points with an example, which makes your argument more relatable.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion clearly summed up your stance, providing a coherent end to your essay.