Nowadays there are more and more competition for getting into the university. Is it a positive or a negative development?

In recent years,
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
for entering university are increasing day by day.
Although
it will
provide
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
students
to try harder, it can damage them psychologically.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
there are positive sides to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
competition
.
Competition
for universities will increase
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
of
study
Add an article
the study
a study
show examples
. The reason is, among
million
Fix the agreement mistake
millions
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
candidates
, only
well knowledgeable
Add a hyphen
well-knowledgeable
show examples
ones will sort out. As
candidates
are many as harder the exam will be. It will provide the opportunity to sort out smart
students
.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
students
will visit extra courses. It will help them to be more educated than their peers.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
every year in prestigious universities which has lots of
candidates
for one sit, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
special courses for
students
which will help them to enter university.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
competition
can be wrong. Because both studying and thinking about entering
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
will take away lots of energy from
students
. They might
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
balance
Correct article usage
the balance
show examples
between life and study
via
Change preposition
by
show examples
thinking about
competition
Add an article
the competition
show examples
before entering.
According to
some
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
year by year the percentage of people who suffer from depression
due to
exams for entering university among many
candidates
is increasing.
Therefore
competition
among
students
will affect badly for those who
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
enter. In conclusion, I believe
that is
not appropriate to have competitions to get into universities. Despite it
will provide
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
only knowledgeable
candidates
, it can destroy someone's nervous system.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'challanges' instead of 'challenges'
coherence
Improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well-supported with examples and explanations
examples
Provide more specific, detailed examples to support your ideas, rather than general statements
task achievement
You have addressed both the positive and negative sides of the debate, which shows a balanced approach to the topic
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion clearly reflects your opinion on the matter, effectively summarizing your arguments

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
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