IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic: Companies are responsible only for making money for their investors. Therefore, they should not be held accountable for the environmental and social costs of their business activity to society as a whole. Businesses should do no more than concentrate on making profit.

#topic #companies #money #investors #costs #business #activity #society #businesses #profit
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I personally believe that the duty of
organization
Correct article usage
an organization
show examples
 is to generate profit for them and for shareholders, but
also
observing
Change the verb form
to observe
show examples
 ethical practices. It’s
also
 important for companies, so they will improve their reputation and brand image. After all, it is impossible to disagree with the fact that without
brilliant
Correct article usage
a brilliant
show examples
 reputation any product or service would
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
costumer
Correct your spelling
customer
show examples
 loyalty.
Moreover
, without potential buyers organizations waste money and popularity, and without stability in those aspects, it would have enormously big financial losses. To avoid
such
 an outcome, a
company
 should be extremely responsible for its social and environmental actions. What is more,
business
 only benefits from ethical practices, it gains
shareholder
Fix the agreement mistake
shareholders
show examples
 and
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 trust. Making
business
 exempt from ethical practices and regulations may seem advantageous
initially
, but in the long
term
Add a comma
term,
show examples
this
business
model
 will have a terrible impact on the
company
. By way of example,
such
 critical issues in
business
 as trust, shares and popularity are closely dependent on activity in various events. Ignoring ethical considerations can deteriorate trust, leading to a lack of confidence from investors and buyers in the
company
. In the end,
this
 could result in a drop in market value, diminished brand image, and extended financial uncertainty. All in all, I as a potential buyer, wholeheartedly agree with that
business
model
 which takes
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
show examples
 in social welfare programs.
In addition
, those
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 beneficial for
costumer
Correct your spelling
the customers
show examples
 and the
company
, market stability and popular brand image
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to potential buyers and big sums of money.
Giving
Replace the word
Given
show examples
this
 situation, it is recommended that businesses around the world think about
use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
this
model
 of
business
.
Submitted by aakbarov2010 on

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task achievement
Ensure that every paragraph fully supports the main argument. Some arguments lack detailed examples and explanations that could strengthen your points.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors for a clearer expression of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to explicitly state your position in the introduction to make your argument clearer from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional devices between sentences and paragraphs to create a more fluid and logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the need for profits and the importance of ethical practices.
task achievement
You provide relevant arguments about how a company's reputation and financial stability are connected to its social and environmental responsibilities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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