IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make conversion where relevant

The pie chart below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make conversion where relevant
#show #household #expenditures #country #summarise #information #features #conversion
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of average expenditures in six different
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
 namely housing, food, health care, education , transportation and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 in a country during the period between 1950 and 2010.
overall
, it is clearly evident that housing was the major
expenses
Fix the agreement mistake
expense
show examples
 in 1950 ,
whereas
 healthcare contributed
Correct article usage
a
show examples
much lower amount. Food consumed dramatically increased over the period. In 1950, housing was the major concern of people, which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
covered approximately
three-quartred
Correct your spelling
three quarters
 (for 72.1%),
whereas
 the
less
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 contribution was health care. Contrastly,
layout
Add an article
the layout
show examples
 of housing fell dramatically in 2010, registered for only 22%, the health care
consumtion
Correct your spelling
consumption
 increased from 2.4% in 1950 to 14% in 2010.
Similarly
, food and other expenses
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a
substancially
Correct your spelling
substantial
 level in 2010. Expenses for education
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained in the same relatively ,
6.6
Change preposition
from 6.6
show examples
% in 1950 to 6.3% in 2010. In 2010, transportation accounted for 14% , which was 10.7% higher compared
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1950.
Submitted by jivenica1998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: