IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believed that having more police on the streets is the best way to reduce and combat crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #increases #crime #rates #police #streets #combat
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There have been ongoing debates about whether the
government
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 should increase the number of
police
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 officers in urban areas to reduce
crime
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rates
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,
while
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 others argue that
this
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 approach is ineffective. I personally agree with the latter argument, and the reasons why I disagree with the former opinion will be elaborated on in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it is reasonable for some to believe that the
government
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 should address rising
crime
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rates
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 by allocating budgets to train and deploy more
police
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 officers to secure citizens across all parts of the city.
For example
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, in the U.S., a lack of law enforcement has led to San Francisco becoming one of the cities with the highest
crime
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rates
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 in the country.
Therefore
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, it is understandable why some citizens may feel that more
police
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 officers would result in greater security.
However
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, I believe
this
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 approach is ineffective in the long run.
Firstly
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,
instead
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 of investing heavily in policing, the
government
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 should allocate more resources to
education
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 and support for underprivileged communities. The main cause of rising
crime
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rates
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 is often poverty, with individuals lacking access to basic needs
such
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 as electricity, adequate meals, and suitable housing, which drives them to engage in criminal activities.
Secondly
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, improving
education
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 can equip citizens with the skills needed to secure employment.
For instance
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, in countries like China, the
government
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 has promoted
education
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 to both enhance the economy and reduce
crime
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rates
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. In conclusion,
while
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 increasing the
police
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 presence in urban areas may offer a temporary solution in some countries, investing in
education
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 and social welfare will lead to a more effective and sustainable approach to reducing
crime
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 in the long term.
Submitted by phumrapee33 on

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task achievement
While your essay presents clear arguments, it would be beneficial to include a wider variety of examples to support your points. Diversifying examples can help make your argument more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph flows smoothly to the next. While your essay is generally cohesive, there are a few areas where transitions could be smoother. Consider using linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is strong and provides a clear indication of your stance on the issue.
logical structure
The essay has a logical structure, making it easy to follow your arguments.
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