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In some countries, traditional leisure activities like dance, music, and sports are becoming less popular among young people. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #leisure #activities #dance #music #sports #people #development
Over the
last
 couple of decades with the rapid advancement of technologies, a lot of educational organizations have faced a new fad: many old-fashioned and active after-school programs involving sports are becoming obsolete and are being substituted with more contemporary classes, including IT and programming courses.
While
 there is no clear harm in these modern activities, I firmly believe that they can negatively impact children's development. First and foremost, traditional leisure activities were designed to promote a healthy lifestyle among adolescents and positively impact not only their physical growth but their mental health as well.
For example
, it has been proven scientifically, that regular physical activities diminish the symptoms of depression and anxiety, the feelings that a lot of teenagers are prone to.
Furthermore
, students develop a sedentary lifestyle from early on, spending their free time sitting in front of the computer and being occupied with their electronic devices for way too long.
Secondly
, classical leisure classes were chosen to help students with the development of their social skills.
For instance
, teenagers must learn how to freely communicate with their peers, find common grounds and interests and resolve conflict situations in order to properly integrate afterwards into their adulthood life. It is crucial for them to develop their social and emotional intelligence at an early age to avoid
further
 impairments. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
while
 modern after-school programs are able to successfully teach children important skills, give them the required knowledge and,
as a result
, a competitive advantage in the modern world, the decline of the old programs has major downsides, including, but not limited to their physical and mental health,
as well as
 their abilities to effectively socialize
Submitted by smackerprince on

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General
Guard against occasional grammatical inaccuracies to ensure clarity.
Task Response
Consider expanding on specific examples that illustrate the effects of modern activities on physical and mental health.
Coherence & Cohesion
Maintain logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to further enhance the structure of the essay.
General
Your essay provides a thorough analysis of the topic and supports its points with well-organized information.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated and encapsulate the essay's main arguments effectively.
Task Response
You demonstrate a convincing and balanced argument with a clear stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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