In some countries, traditional leisure activities like dance, music, and sports are becoming less popular among young people. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #leisure #activities #dance #music #sports #people #development

Over the

last

couple of decades with the rapid advancement of technologies, a lot of educational organizations have faced a new fad: many old-fashioned and active after-school programs involving sports are becoming obsolete and are being substituted with more contemporary classes, including IT and programming courses.

While

there is no clear harm in these modern activities, I firmly believe that they can negatively impact children's development. First and foremost, traditional leisure activities were designed to promote a healthy lifestyle among adolescents and positively impact not only their physical growth but their mental health as well.

For example

, it has been proven scientifically, that regular physical activities diminish the symptoms of depression and anxiety, the feelings that a lot of teenagers are prone to.

Furthermore

, students develop a sedentary lifestyle from early on, spending their free time sitting in front of the computer and being occupied with their electronic devices for way too long.

Secondly

, classical leisure classes were chosen to help students with the development of their social skills.

For instance

, teenagers must learn how to freely communicate with their peers, find common grounds and interests and resolve conflict situations in order to properly integrate afterwards into their adulthood life. It is crucial for them to develop their social and emotional intelligence at an early age to avoid

further

impairments. In conclusion, I firmly believe that

while

modern after-school programs are able to successfully teach children important skills, give them the required knowledge and,

as a result

, a competitive advantage in the modern world, the decline of the old programs has major downsides, including, but not limited to their physical and mental health,

as well as

their abilities to effectively socialize

Submitted by smackerprince on Wed Sep 11 2024

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General

Guard against occasional grammatical inaccuracies to ensure clarity.

Task Response

Consider expanding on specific examples that illustrate the effects of modern activities on physical and mental health.

Coherence & Cohesion

Maintain logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to further enhance the structure of the essay.

General

Your essay provides a thorough analysis of the topic and supports its points with well-organized information.

Coherence & Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated and encapsulate the essay's main arguments effectively.

Task Response

You demonstrate a convincing and balanced argument with a clear stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

281 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, traditional leisure activities like dance, music, and sports are becoming less popular among young people. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people argue that young people are unfit for holding significant positions in the government, while others maintain that it is beneficial for them to occupy such roles. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The most important consideration while selecting a job or career has a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.