In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing Do you think this is a positve or negative development?

In the present day, many people in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
are moving to capital cities,
this
approach has occurred in every county, resulting in a significant decrease in population in
countryside
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the countryside
show examples
. In
this
essay,
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
positive and negative consequences associated with
this
situation will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the positive aspect,
this
relocating of people provides many advantages for
individual
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individuals
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and society. The capital
area
has many opportunities for career growth and
advance
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advanced
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education, which
Correct article usage
the suburb
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suburb
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suburban
show examples
area
could not provide.
For example
, adults who move to the
city
, can
enroll
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enrol
show examples
for higher paying jobs and gain a great income, allowing them to pay an
expense
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expenses
show examples
for their
family
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families
show examples
.
Moreover
, when moving to the
city
, students have a great chance
for
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to
show examples
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
in
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a high
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high grade
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high-grade
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university which could guarantee a successful life. From
societal
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a societal
the societal
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perspective, a great number of workers
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
influx
to
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into
show examples
the
city
, boosting
an
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the
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overall
country’s
economic
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economy
show examples
.
This
situation decreases
an
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the
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employment rate and
increase
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increases
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productivity in infrastructure and factories.
However
, the moving of people from rural
area
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areas
show examples
to a big
city
has some drawbacks. Overpopulation in the
city
is the main problem, causing some serious issues
such
as traffic congestion, increasing in homeless
person
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people
show examples
,
depleting
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depletion
show examples
of essential
resource
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resources
show examples
. Another negative impact is
insufficiency
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the insufficiency
show examples
of
workforce
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the workforce
show examples
in suburban
area
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areas
show examples
, leading to an organized failure in
community
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the community
show examples
.
For example
, most essential workplace like
hospital
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hospitals
show examples
requires a large number of workers,
with
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and with
show examples
the depletion of
population
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the population
show examples
,
this
infrastructure could not be sustainable
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
. Unfortunately, some elders
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
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apply
show examples
caregiver
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caregivers
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because their
off springs
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offsprings
show examples
moving far away. In Summary, relocating
of
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apply
show examples
citizens from rural
area
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areas
show examples
to the capital provides
variety
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a variety
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of benefits
such
as career
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
,
advance
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advanced
show examples
education, higher income,
promoting
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a promoting
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economy and
lower
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a lower
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unemployment rate.
While
,
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apply
show examples
this
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
some drawbacks including overpopulation and lack of workforce in suburb
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Therefore
, the government should take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
responsibility for addressing
this
situation, ensuring a well-being life for individuals in both areas.
Submitted by sippakorn.wet on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, try to diversify the vocabulary and sentence structures. Avoid repetitive phrases like 'relocating of people', and consider variations to maintain reader interest.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to check for grammar and punctuation errors. For example, 'an organized failure' should be 'organizational failure', and 'suburb area' should be 'rural area' or 'suburban area'.
task achievement
In the second paragraph, expand more on how exactly career opportunities and advanced education in urban areas can lead to personal growth. This will add depth and clarity to your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific and detailed examples to substantiate your points. For instance, when discussing overpopulation, mention specific cities as examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You adequately discussed both the positive and negative aspects of urban migration, displaying a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth, making the essay easy to follow.

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