In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing Do you think this is a positve or negative development?

In the present day, many people in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
are moving to capital cities,
this
approach has occurred in every county, resulting in a significant decrease in population in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. In
this
essay,
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
positive and negative consequences associated with
this
situation will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the positive aspect,
this
relocating of people provides many advantages for
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
and society. The capital
area
has many opportunities for career growth and
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
education, which
Correct article usage
the suburb
show examples
suburb
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suburban
show examples
area
could not provide.
For example
, adults who move to the
city
, can
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
for higher paying jobs and gain a great income, allowing them to pay an
expense
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expenses
show examples
for their
family
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families
show examples
.
Moreover
, when moving to the
city
, students have a great chance
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
in
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
high grade
Add a hyphen
high-grade
show examples
university which could guarantee a successful life. From
societal
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a societal
the societal
show examples
perspective, a great number of workers
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
influx
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
city
, boosting
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overall
country’s
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
.
This
situation decreases
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
employment rate and
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
productivity in infrastructure and factories.
However
, the moving of people from rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
to a big
city
has some drawbacks. Overpopulation in the
city
is the main problem, causing some serious issues
such
as traffic congestion, increasing in homeless
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
,
depleting
Replace the word
depletion
show examples
of essential
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
. Another negative impact is
insufficiency
Correct article usage
the insufficiency
show examples
of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
in suburban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, leading to an organized failure in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
For example
, most essential workplace like
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
requires a large number of workers,
with
Correct word choice
and with
show examples
the depletion of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
,
this
infrastructure could not be sustainable
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
. Unfortunately, some elders
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
caregiver
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caregivers
show examples
because their
off springs
Correct your spelling
offsprings
show examples
moving far away. In Summary, relocating
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens from rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
to the capital provides
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
of benefits
such
as career
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
,
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
education, higher income,
promoting
Correct article usage
a promoting
show examples
economy and
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
unemployment rate.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
some drawbacks including overpopulation and lack of workforce in suburb
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Therefore
, the government should take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
responsibility for addressing
this
situation, ensuring a well-being life for individuals in both areas.
Submitted by sippakorn.wet on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, try to diversify the vocabulary and sentence structures. Avoid repetitive phrases like 'relocating of people', and consider variations to maintain reader interest.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to check for grammar and punctuation errors. For example, 'an organized failure' should be 'organizational failure', and 'suburb area' should be 'rural area' or 'suburban area'.
task achievement
In the second paragraph, expand more on how exactly career opportunities and advanced education in urban areas can lead to personal growth. This will add depth and clarity to your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific and detailed examples to substantiate your points. For instance, when discussing overpopulation, mention specific cities as examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You adequately discussed both the positive and negative aspects of urban migration, displaying a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth, making the essay easy to follow.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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