In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing Do you think this is a positve or negative development?
In the present day, many people in rural
area
are moving to capital cities, Fix the agreement mistake
areas
this
approach has occurred in every county, resulting in a significant decrease in population in countryside
. In Add an article
the countryside
this
essay, these
positive and negative consequences associated with Correct determiner usage
the
this
situation will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.
On the positive aspect, this
relocating of people provides many advantages for individual
and society. The capital Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
area
has many opportunities for career growth and advance
education, which Replace the word
advanced
Correct article usage
the suburb
suburb
Replace the word
suburban
area
could not provide. For example
, adults who move to the city
, can enroll
for higher paying jobs and gain a great income, allowing them to pay an Change the spelling
enrol
expense
for their Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
family
. Fix the agreement mistake
families
Moreover
, when moving to the city
, students have a great chance for
Change preposition
to
enroll
in Change the spelling
enrol
Correct article usage
a high
high grade
university which could guarantee a successful life. From Add a hyphen
high-grade
societal
perspective, a great number of workers Add an article
a societal
the societal
which
influx Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
the Change preposition
into
city
, boosting an
Correct article usage
the
overall
country’s economic
. Replace the word
economy
This
situation decreases an
employment rate and Correct article usage
the
increase
productivity in infrastructure and factories.
Change the verb form
increases
However
, the moving of people from rural area
to a big Fix the agreement mistake
areas
city
has some drawbacks. Overpopulation in the city
is the main problem, causing some serious issues such
as traffic congestion, increasing in homeless person
, Fix the agreement mistake
people
depleting
of essential Replace the word
depletion
resource
. Another negative impact is Fix the agreement mistake
resources
insufficiency
of Correct article usage
the insufficiency
workforce
in suburban Add an article
the workforce
area
, leading to an organized failure in Fix the agreement mistake
areas
community
. Add an article
the community
For example
, most essential workplace like hospital
requires a large number of workers, Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
with
the depletion of Correct word choice
and with
population
, Correct article usage
the population
this
infrastructure could not be sustainable maintain
. Unfortunately, some elders Wrong verb form
maintained
are
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
caregiver
because their Fix the agreement mistake
caregivers
off springs
moving far away.
In Summary, relocating Correct your spelling
offsprings
of
citizens from rural Change preposition
apply
area
to the capital provides Fix the agreement mistake
areas
variety
of benefits Add an article
a variety
such
as career opportunity
, Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
advance
education, higher income, Replace the word
advanced
promoting
economy and Correct article usage
a promoting
lower
unemployment rate. Correct article usage
a lower
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
give
some drawbacks including overpopulation and lack of workforce in suburb Change the verb form
gives
area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Therefore
, the government should take a
responsibility for addressing Remove the article
apply
this
situation, ensuring a well-being life for individuals in both areas.Submitted by sippakorn.wet on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, try to diversify the vocabulary and sentence structures. Avoid repetitive phrases like 'relocating of people', and consider variations to maintain reader interest.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to check for grammar and punctuation errors. For example, 'an organized failure' should be 'organizational failure', and 'suburb area' should be 'rural area' or 'suburban area'.
task achievement
In the second paragraph, expand more on how exactly career opportunities and advanced education in urban areas can lead to personal growth. This will add depth and clarity to your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific and detailed examples to substantiate your points. For instance, when discussing overpopulation, mention specific cities as examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You adequately discussed both the positive and negative aspects of urban migration, displaying a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth, making the essay easy to follow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?