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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph demonstrates data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of people who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 in cities
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 four Asian countries namely
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia from
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
 of time between 1970 to 2020 with
Add an article
a forecast
the forecast
show examples
forecast
Fix the agreement mistake
forecasts
show examples
 of 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, throughout 70 years, all four countries experienced substantial growth of
percentage
Use synonyms
 the
population
Use synonyms
 that lives in the towns. In 1970,
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 with more than 30 per cent of residents
that dweller
Wrong verb form
dwelling
show examples
 in the city.
This
Linking Words
 remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in 1980 and
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 sharply to approximately 50 proportion in 1990. For
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 next 50
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 with predictions,
this
Linking Words
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 fluctuated.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Malaysia outraced
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 after 1990. According, the number of
this
Linking Words
 country will skyrocket in 2040 with 80
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
,
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 18 per cent of Thailand's
population
Use synonyms
 lived in town in 1970. It
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
rises
 gradually after 20 years with
quarter
Correct article usage
a quarter
show examples
 number. From 1990 to 2020
this
Linking Words
 reached a plateau and
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 projected to rise
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 35 proportion In 2030 and 45 in 2040 which is the
fewest
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
. Only close to 12
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 of Indonesia
sattle
Correct your spelling
settle
cattle
 in the cities in 1970. In 2010 it's proportion equivalent to
Philippines
Use synonyms
. Notably,
this
Linking Words
 increased considerably throughout 70 years
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
it the
show examples
 second
larger
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
 Asian nation among
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 countries
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 most people live in the town.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, philippines, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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