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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows how many tourists from five countries visited Australia in different years from 1991-1999. (unit: thousands)

The table below shows how many tourists from five countries visited Australia in different years from 1991-1999. (unit: thousands)
The table
illustreres
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 how many
people
Use synonyms
 visited from
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Use synonyms
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
, Canada,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom, Germany and other Europe
want
Verb problem
to go
show examples
 to
Australia
Use synonyms
 in various
years
Use synonyms
 between 1991
1999
Correct word choice
and 1999
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
united
Correct your spelling
United States
show examples
states
Use synonyms
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom were the
highest
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
two Countries that visited
Australia
Use synonyms
 over the given time period.
While
Linking Words
 Canada was the lowest Country. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 1991 from
Correct article usage
the united
show examples
united
Correct your spelling
United States
show examples
states
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 259
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 which was the highest amount
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 Countries
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this year
these years
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 ,
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
come
united kingdom
Correct your spelling
United Kingdom
show examples
 258 only. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who want to
Australia
Use synonyms
 from
Correct article usage
the united
show examples
united
Correct your spelling
United States
show examples
states
Use synonyms
 increased gradually over the four
years
Use synonyms
 until it
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
398
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the
Visitores
Correct your spelling
Visitors
 who come from
Correct article usage
the united
show examples
united
Capitalize word
United
show examples
kingdome
Correct your spelling
Kingdom
 jumped to 509 in 1999 . In 1991 Germans went to
Australia
Use synonyms
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 only
went
Verb problem
apply
show examples
75
Use synonyms
thousands
Correct your spelling
thousand
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, but it
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
rises
 over the
years
Use synonyms
 unlit in
Linking Words
last
Change the article
the last
show examples
 year 1999 it
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
140
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
.
In Contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest Country visited
Australia
Use synonyms
 was
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
 only 51
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
. After two
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 it go down to 48 .
However
Linking Words
 , it increased gradually over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time to 75
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1999 .
Others
Correct quantifier usage
Other
show examples
 Europe
Contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 for
Add an article
the visitor
a visitor
show examples
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 to
Australia
Use synonyms
were start
Change the verb form
started
show examples
 with 175
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in 1991 whilst it jumped to coming
years
Use synonyms
 to 389 in 1999.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, states, australia, years, thousands with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "jumped" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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