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Band 4.5

Young people are more likely to be involved in car accidents, therefore the legal driving age should be raised to 22 years old. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #car #accidents #age #years
There is no denying the fact that
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 are most involved in car accidents.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that they are more
riskiy
Correct your spelling
riskier
 drivers than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults,there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. in my opinion, I consider that we must raise the legal driving age
into
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to
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22.
to begin
 with, Young people are more likely to
speedas
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speed as
 well as they do not follow the rules .
in other
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 They are reckless and irresponsible.
In addition
, they do not take things seriously
,
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apply
show examples
 but rather think that it is just a game.
for example
, Cameron Hearn is a 21-year-old American young man from a wealthy family. when the
accdent
Correct your spelling
accident
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happen
 he was with his brother and friends
then
 They wanted to do a car race. but when he was driving his car at a crazy speed a mother and her infant daughter were leaving, so he was unable to slow down or avoid them, which led to their death. another point to consider,
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 when
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 wanted to put him
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 jail the internet went crazy that he
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not deserve to be in jail . it is possible to say that they
justfid
Correct your spelling
justified
just find
 the crime he did .
moreover
, there are responsible
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 that know how to drive and follow the rules. for
Correct your spelling
instance
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, some of the young people could be really good at driving and avoid anything that might put them in danger In conclusion,
despit
Correct your spelling
despite
 people having
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
 views,I believe that we should make the the legal driving age 18 because it is the right age for being
resonsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
.
Submitted by daliahmohsn9 on

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coherence cohesion
Revise the introduction to clearly state your standpoint and briefly outline the main points you'll discuss.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph structuring by clearly separating your ideas and using transitional phrases for smoother flow.
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Support your examples and arguments with more specific details and explanations to strengthen your points.
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Pay attention to spelling and grammar to enhance clarity and avoid reader confusion.
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Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear response to the question.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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