Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

In modernity, the majority of people prefer to take homoeopathic medicines and home remedies to cure illness,
instead
of seeing a family doctor. In my opinion, it is a destructive occurrence and will discuss more in the subsequent paragraphs. Starting with the consequences of taking pills and treatments without a proper prescription from a professional doctor can leave one with lifelong injury, which; eventually, can lead to death. To elaborate, having alternative medicines can cure a particular illness, but many other illnesses can be generated if not aware of the ingredients used to manufacture
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For instance
,
according to
BBC News, the number of people dying every month has increased to 10%
due to
the regular inhalation of cheap products. Moving forward, the professionals are facing a financial crisis
due to
this
trend because of declining clients, so decreasing sales. In simple words, professional doctors spend a bunch of money and time to achieve a doctoral degree; so, they are more knowledgeable than others;
however
, the onset of
this
trend might decrease job opportunities for them and can impact them financially.
Last
year's survey by the WHO health organization shows a huge decline in new joinings of doctors. In a nutshell, everyday consumption of alternative medicines and treatments is a negative trend for a person and for others too including long-term illness and reduced job openings.
Submitted by kknavdeep2000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your main points are relevant and clear, but ensure you properly elaborate on them with detailed explanations and supporting examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but you need to enhance the transition between paragraphs and main points for a better logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be improved for better clarity and grammar. For example, the phrase 'it is a destructive occurrence and will discuss more in the subsequent paragraphs' can be improved to 'it is a destructive occurrence, which I will discuss in the subsequent paragraphs.'
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear position on the topic and sticks to it throughout, which is excellent for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your points.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to provide supporting examples, like the survey from WHO and the report from BBC News.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: