Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Landing a suitable
job
is a common concern for human beings, especially youths. Some individuals claim that it is better that juveniles pursue careers they are passionate about it
. Others, Correct pronoun usage
apply
however
, refuse this
idea and believe they should choose their professions more according to
the realities existing in society and future
prospects. Otherwise
, I absolutely maintain the idea that they carry out a job
having alignment with their willings.
The reason why some people
believe juveniles should get a job
that they are terribly keen on is that passion leads motivation
and productivity. When young Change preposition
to motivation
people
choose their jobs according
their desires and interests, they are more likely to be motivated to carry out their duties and responsibilities. Add the preposition
according to
Moreover
, passionate employees often go above and beyond in their roles, causing higher productivity as well as
job
satisfaction. In a company, this
productivity and enthusiasm, for example
, can inspire creativity, which is valuable
Correct article usage
a valuable
assets
.
Fix the agreement mistake
asset
On the other hand
, according to
the claim of another group of people’
view, being more realistic Correct your spelling
people
as well as
predictable as to career choices can bring better financial stability and security in the long term. Jobs that are in high demand and offer good salaries can provide juniors with a stable income, which is crucial not only for meeting life’s expenses but also
planning
for the Change preposition
for planning
future
. This
monetary situation in addition
enable
young Change the verb form
enables
people
to save money for major life events, namely purchasing a home or starting a family.
I align with the viewpoint that adolescence
should land a profession aligning with one’s interests and Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
passion
can bring about greater personal Fix the agreement mistake
passions
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
as well as
happiness. When individuals are cheerful with their career choices, probably, they achieve and develop personal growth and even self-actualization. As a result
, this
can positively impact their mental health and well-being, reducing stress and having calmness.
In conclusion, the issue of whether that
young Correct determiner usage
apply
people
should get a job
according
their desires or Add the preposition
according to
future
prospect
is a nuanced one. In spite of a group of Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
people
who believe that it is better adolescents
Change preposition
for adolescents
take
a career which is more realistic and more practical for their Fix the infinitive
to take
future
, I strongly opine young people
should apply for a job
which is aligned with their interest. Because in this
regards
, they can Fix the agreement mistake
regard
fulfill
their dreams and personal growth, causing Change the spelling
fulfil
a
better mental health for them.Remove the article
apply
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clarity
Work on improving the clarity of your sentences. Some sentences are complex and could be broken down for better readability.
grammar
Address minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to improve the overall quality of the essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure.
balance
You presented a balanced discussion by addressing both viewpoints clearly and providing your own opinion.
support
You supported your main points with logical explanations and examples, which strengthen your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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