IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#politicians’ #lives #newspapers
The
information
 about
politicians
' family members should not be distributed in newspapers.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 argument because it creates
safety
 threats to
politicians
' family members and influences the confidentiality of personal
life
.
To begin
, there are plenty of reasons that lead to threats to
life
safety
.
Politicians
 who always deal with different stakeholders like the public, media, and businessmen are considered as society's high profile. They always deal with the public which
automatiacally
Correct your spelling
automatically
 puts entire families of
such
 persons at
life
safety
 threat by being a target of a terrorist group. For example, recent research concluded that in many Asian
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 terrorist attacks are based on newspaper
information
.
Further
, we all as human beings prefer to spend our personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in a confidential way as leakages of personal
information
 will influence the reputation and freedom of a particular person. High-profile people like
politicians
 often have sensitive
information
 and leakages of those will cost higher than normal people's
information
 leakage.
For example
, a recent newspaper article about one of Sri Lankan Minister's personal
life
 causes them to lose
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 position and freedom.
To conclude
, disclosing
politicians
Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
show examples
 personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in written media should be avoided as it creates
life
safety
 threats and risks of losing reputation and freedom.
Submitted by aravindasajith on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing ideas more clearly and ensuring a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Work on enhancing clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Sometimes the essay can be vague, requiring the reader to infer too much.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present, contributing to a well-rounded essay.
task achievement
The essay responds to the topic effectively, covering major points related to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrusion
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • sensationalism
  • privacy
  • public interest
  • collateral damage
  • precedent
  • responsible journalism
  • exploitation
  • democratic processes
  • media culture
  • balance
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