IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss bot these views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate in which some people suggest that two different
schools
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 should be built
according to
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gender
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,
however
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, others oppose
this
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 and state that studying together can build more understanding between the two. I will address both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views and suggest my opinion
accordingly
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. On the one hand, learning in a single-
gender
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environment
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 can reduce distractions related to romantic interests and peer pressure, enabling students to focus better on their studies and personal development. To give an example, there are many separate
schools
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 in India, and surprisingly, the success rate of the students is exponentially higher than that of mixed
schools
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.
However
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, these students lack respect for other genders.
On the other hand
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, mixed schooling fosters more learning and an innovative
environment
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.
This
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 is because mixed
schools
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 provide opportunities like collaboration and teamwork between boys and girls, fostering important social skills that are crucial in
this
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 diverse world.
Moreover
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, mixed
schools
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 provide an
environment
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 where children see beyond the traditional boundaries and
gender
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 biases,
thus
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 fostering
gender
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 equality. In my opinion, separate
schools
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 are not a contemporary approach, as it is an old belief. The socio-interactive skills that children learn from a mixed
environment
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 are crucial to survive in
this
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 diverse world.
Although
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 separate
schools
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 provide better academic results, they take away the freedom of
gender
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 equality and
consequently
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, tie us to old traditional beliefs. To recapitulate, separate
schools
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 focus on boosting
the
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apply
show examples
academic results by avoiding distraction from the opposite
gender
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,
while
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 mixed
schools
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 encourage
gender
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 equality and shape
the
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apply
show examples
social skills.
Therefore
Linking Words
, mixed
schools
Use synonyms
 should be promoted more.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to provide a clearer overview of both arguments before stating your opinion. This will help set the stage for your discussion.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, ensure each main point is fully supported with specific examples and explanations. For instance, elaborating on the success rates in separate schools with more detailed statistics or studies would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use more linking phrases to clearly connect your ideas and paragraphs. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily. For example, phrases like 'Furthermore,' or 'On the contrary,' can enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of both separate and mixed schooling, demonstrating good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates your opinion, providing a clear closure to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender segregation
  • academic performance
  • distractions
  • peer pressure
  • social norms
  • gender roles
  • collaboration
  • teamwork
  • mutual respect
  • stereotypes
  • gender biases
  • egalitarian
  • real-world interactions
  • social skills
What to do next:
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