IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this isa positive or a negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #isa #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 are moving to
cities
Use synonyms
 from rural areas,
consequently
Linking Words
 , the population is decreasing in rural areas. These
phenomenon
Change the determiner
phenomena
show examples
 have both positive and negative impacts , I firmly believe that they cause more drawbacks than advantages. On the one hand , when
people
Use synonyms
 move
cities
Use synonyms
 that gradually enhances the
people
Use synonyms
's life range. To be more precise, when
people
Use synonyms
 are habitat in
cities
Use synonyms
, they are likely to get more opportunities than where they lived before.
For instance
Linking Words
, education and health
care
Use synonyms
 facilities are top-notch levels in
cities
Use synonyms
 compared to the village
side
Use synonyms
 ,
therefore
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who
are coming
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from rural areas tend to get a better lifestyle.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, engaging various talented
people
Use synonyms
 which is positively impacts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the company's and the
governments'
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 developments. If
Use synonyms
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
side
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 get a chance to represent the higher positions they would make decisions favourable
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
dropping
Correct article usage
the dropping
show examples
 population have several detrimental effects
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on village
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, poor
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
 likely face challenges
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 facilities
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of experts.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays , doctors are found
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working in
cities
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the bears they bring from city life,
thus
Linking Words
effect
Verb problem
affecting
show examples
 the poor
people
Use synonyms
 ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not have enough money to get good
care
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, their life would be endangered.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
country
Use synonyms
 sides are become exacerbate
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 are moving in
cities
Use synonyms
 , the government tend to execute all development projects towards the
cities
Use synonyms
 that are likely to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
people
Use synonyms
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 rural
side
Use synonyms
 financially
as well as
Linking Words
 mentally.
For instance
Linking Words
, if government avoid financial
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
side
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
, they even struggle to fulfil their essential needs
also
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 as food, accommodation and water.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
falling
Add an article
the falling
show examples
 population
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
country
Use synonyms
side
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 both pros and cons . Even though, which phenomenon has brought some positive aspects , I believe,
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 impacts are more than the positive
side
Use synonyms
 since have
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 issues and financial struggles.
Submitted by jivenica1998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors, such as verb tense agreement and sentence structure. For example, 'To be more precise, when people are habitat in cities' should be 'To be more precise, when people habitate in cities’ or 'live in cities.'
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, work on linking ideas more effectively using connectors like 'moreover', 'on the other hand', and 'furthermore'. This would make the essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph consistently focuses on one main idea to enhance clarity. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task response
The essay addresses both positive and negative aspects of rural to urban migration, showing a balanced understanding of the issue.
task response
You’ve included concrete examples, such as the effect on healthcare and financial struggles, which help to understand your points better.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: