Some people think parents should supervise their children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

While
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it is commonly thought
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parents
Correct word choice
that parents
show examples
should supervise their
children
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’s
activities
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,
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while
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apply
show examples
others believe
children
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should have more
freedom
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. I’m going to discuss these opposing points of view. In my opinion,
parents
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should let them
be
Verb problem
have
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more
freedom
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. On the one hand, it is argued that
parents
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should supervise their
children
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’s
activities
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. The main reason is that the
children
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, nowadays, can access
to
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apply
show examples
knowledge or anything in the world with
Internet
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the Internet
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and
also
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some bad things. The
children
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aren’t mature enough to know what
good
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is good
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or bad for them. Constant guidance helps
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
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them from engaging in harmful
behaviors
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behaviours
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,
such
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as excessive screen time, substance abuse or associating with negative influences. Another reason
that
Verb problem
is that
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, by overseeing academic and extracurricular
activities
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,
parents
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can ensure their
children
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stay focused and achieve their goals.
For instance
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, many high-achieving students confirm that
thank
Correct subject-verb agreement
thanks
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for
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to
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their
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parents
Check wording
parents'
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involvement, they can succeed.
On the other hand
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, others claim that giving them more
freedom
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.
Firstly
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, it encourages their responsibilities and self-confidence. When
children
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are allowed to make decisions, they can learn from their mistakes and develop
solve-problem
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problem-solving
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skills.
For example
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, allowing the child to manage their study schedule may help them know the importance of time management.
Secondly
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, being too
control
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controlling
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can destroy the relationship between kids and
parents
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, leading to rebellion or lack of trust. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that
parents
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should supervise their
children
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’s
activities
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
meanwhile, others assume that
children
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should have more
freedom
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. Personally, I tend to believe that giving kids more
freedom
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can do more good than harm.

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structure
Use a clear plan: start with a short view of both sides, then give your own view in one sentence, and end with a short conclusion.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like first, next, and finally; also use however and in addition to show contrast.
grammar
Check grammar and word choice. Fix small errors like more freedom, access to knowledge, problem-solving skills, and use correct phrases.
content
Give a bit more clear and specific examples that relate to each point.
stance
You state your own view clearly.
structure
You use contrast to show both sides.
content
You include examples to back up ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • watch
  • guide
  • limit
  • allow
  • freedom
  • safety
  • risk
  • trust
  • rule
  • choice
  • decision
  • child
  • parent
  • home
  • school
  • time
  • study
  • help
  • grow
  • plan
  • talk
  • listen
  • explain
  • reason
  • calm
  • respect
  • mature
  • age
  • family
  • future
  • example
  • balance
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