Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that arts-related
subjects
are as important as other
school
subjects
, especially for primary
school
children. I totally agree with
this
statement because
this
can help children
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
discover their
talents
from an early age and can increase their confidence. One of the reasons I agree that creative
subjects
have the same importance as other
school
courses in primary
school
is that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
students
to find out their potential
talents
early on.
That is
to say,
school-age
Correct your spelling
school age
show examples
is the most convenient time for
students
to learn more about their interests by trying different activities as they are young enough to pursue their hobbies. They will probably not have any other chance later in their lives to discover that because they will be busy with difficult exams when they get older.
For example
, most famous singers were discovered by their music teachers at
school
from a young age, and they claimed that they could not be that successful if their teachers did not find out their
talents
when they were young.
Moreover
, music, art and drama
subjects
help
students
to boost their confidence.
That is
because creative lessons teach
students
how to perform in front of lots of people and give them a chance to socialise with other
students
.
As a result
,
students
can realise their real potential and act more confidently.
For instance
, many psychologists suggest
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
students
who are struggling with social anxiety
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
take drama lessons as it helps to enhance confidence. In conclusion,
this
essay completely agrees that music, art and drama have the same value as other
subjects
in primary
school
because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
children to discover their hidden
talents
early on and
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
their self-confidence.
Submitted by aravindasajith on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly links back to the main argument in the introduction to maintain coherence.
task achievement
Work on elaborating ideas with more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use varied sentence structures and linking words to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the prompt, addressing all parts effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively summarize the main points, which helps to maintain cohesion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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