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Band 4.5

In some countries, university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
Many national colleges have students
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not bring dorm rooms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the campus and prefer to stay at their relative's home,
while
 other students are going to come
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 university which is located in the
neighbour
Replace the word
neighbouring
show examples
 city.
Firstly
, I can understand the privilege of living in your parent's apartment in case
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you are able to get less responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some
house work
Correct your spelling
housework
show examples
 including bills. Student
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
this
varient
Correct your spelling
variety
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
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to concentrate
Change preposition
of concentrating
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 on researching their
specialties
Change the spelling
specialities
show examples
. Sometimes it really works, but
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they do not have enough forces to catch
this
 liability during maturity as fast as they could.
For example
, I saw a girl who did not even know how to go on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job interview on her 25th and how to pay
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the bills
such
 as gas or water.
Secondly
, people who left their motherland early , because of studying abroad are usually much stronger and mature.
Basically
Add a comma
Basically,
show examples
 they are educated by some financial problems, as they often get
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
For instance
, my friend who joined Netherland
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 and spends a lot of time working as a waitress,
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
says it
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 gets her insane. She must manage her time
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a
propriate
Correct your spelling
proper
 level and always
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
remember
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all her needs. Concluding all the information, I can claim that living alone really helps you to make out
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life's rules, because you begin to notice that
all
Correct pronoun usage
it all
show examples
 depends on you.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 it is much better occasionally to remain in your native home and keep your forces on exploring
Submitted by acaitaz on

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coherence cohesion
Work on your paragraph structure. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Try to improve your vocabulary and sentence structure. Some sentences are awkward or unclear, which makes the essay harder to understand.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.
task achievement
You have attempted to support your points with examples, which is good practice for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
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