IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is difficult for many people to create a balance between their professional and their personal life. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#people #balance #life
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Recently, in many countries around the world, it has become an extremely controversial issue to state a balance between professional and personal life.
This
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 must be stopped and proper solving should be applied.
Therefore
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, for the purpose of
this
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 essay, I shall confine the discussion to some troubles of balancing between work and private life and some possible solutions in order to enhance people's lives. Obviously, plenty of ways to cause
this
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 issue would be for people to neglect and not organize hours management. Some individuals keep delaying their current activities for a long time
although
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 they are free.
Further
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, another way is that health conditions.To clarify, some diseases are a major obstacle to achieving daily tasks.
Additionally
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, It is perhaps, the case where having plenty of responsibilities and duties is considered one of the major causes of the problem.To illustrate, working mothers face massive stress
such
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 as cooking,cleaning,taking care of their children and their professions. Solving these cases is not easy.
However
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, the key to reducing these challenges seems to lie in setting a clear plan to organize a timetable.
In other words
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, writing a list of duties within a specific time and not delaying the activities.
Moreover
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,it is equally important for employees to follow up with a doctor constantly and take the medicine on duration.
Furthermore
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,perhaps providing a homemade and dividing the domestic duties among family members can be offered to employees to deal with the problem successfully. A final effective solution to tackle
this
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 complication might be to rely on the usage of technology in practical and private life in order to manage time and effect. In conclusion,
however
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, it is not doubtful that equivalence in the career and personal world has a great deal of matter.These possible solutions, of course, are clear. So, the answer, I feel, lies somewhere in the middle. To put it in a different way, provided that the government addresses the roots of
this
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 complex debate , perhaps the resolution will come.So if people follow the suggested options which are mentioned above,they will bring quality to their lives.
Submitted by shareifaalsiyabi on

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task achievement
The essay should have a clearer and more concise thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader about the main points that will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that should be revised for better clarity and readability. Proofreading for grammar and syntax will improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points in greater detail. This would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your paragraphs in a way that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This will help in enhancing the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both causes and solutions related to balancing professional and personal life.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a thoughtful reflection on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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