2. “In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?”
In the contemporary world, many
people
have higher
Correct article usage
a higher
weight
than in the past, however
, the decline of
health and fitness is considered. Change preposition
in
This
essay would
mention the main reasons why these issues and take the method to tackle them.
Admittedly,There are some rational reasons for eating fast food and sitting on a screen for a long Wrong verb form
will
time
. This
first rationale is that many people
use excessive consumption of high-fat food or sugary drinks which is one of the main factors causing increased weight
. Moreover
, these types of products could make individuals more tired and lack energy, especially to participate in physical exercise. In addition
, the number of people
who spend plenty of time
by
sitting on a screen to work or study is about more than 6 hours a day. Change preposition
apply
As a result
, It causes people
to exercise less, which is directly related to growing the average weight
.
There are some approaches to deal with it by taxing on
calorie-dense foods and sitting for a long Change preposition
apply
time
. Firstly
, the government should implement a tax increase on unhealthy products to reduce the number of people
with higher weight
, or even the obesity crisis. For instance
, In 2014, The
Mexico’s government succeeded Correct article usage
apply
by
reducing the proportion of obese Change preposition
in
people
by taxing on
sugary drinks or junk foods. Change preposition
apply
Secondly
, The company should encourage their employees to have break time
to do exercise which helps reduce a sedentary lifestyle. Moreover
, They should hold many sports activities or competitions to avoid obesity which can enhance their officer’s
productivity.
In conclusion, with growing obese Change noun form
officers’
people
, this
is because they consume Correct pronoun usage
apply
excessive
fattening food and sit for a long Change the word
excessively
time
. However
, to tackle these issues , the government and companies should implement it to solve it
more comprehensively.Correct pronoun usage
them
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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear outline of the issues to be discussed, but it would be more effective if you state explicitly what the main causes and measures are.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and is linked to the next with clear transitions. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
While the examples provided are relevant, expanding on them with additional details and tying them back to the main points would make the essay more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with grammatical errors, such as capitalizations and verb tense agreement, to strengthen the overall clarity of your writing.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the main issues and provides a well-rounded discussion on both causes and solutions.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear stance on the issues discussed.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?