Some people think secondary school students should learn international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Without
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
shadow of
Add an article
a doubt
show examples
doubt
Add a comma
doubt,
show examples
it can be said that
students
play
paramount
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a paramount
show examples
role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
show examples
are nation
bulider
Correct your spelling
builder
builders
. Some masses believe that learner should read or learn international
news
as it should be their
subject
but some are
againt
Correct your spelling
against
this
view . I intend to discuss both views. To embark upon, Competition is burgeoning at an alarming ratio. There are already
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
of subjects and they have to cover them in
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
time so they have less time to do
another activities
Replace the adjective
another activity
other activities
show examples
.
However
some
students
become shuttle cock in many countries they have to go
school
Change preposition
to school
show examples
, tuition and jobs
also
. in
secandary
Correct your spelling
secondary
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
they can make their future
while
choose
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choosing
show examples
subjects
according to
their choice
such
as Arts, medical and
non medical
Add a hyphen
non-medical
show examples
fields . technology
play
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plays
show examples
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
role in
students
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students'
student's
show examples
life they learn
Correct article usage
a amole
show examples
amole
Correct your spelling
ample
show examples
amount of things related to their
subject
and some international
news
which
ameliorate
Correct subject-verb agreement
ameliorates
show examples
their knowledge and information . they
colloect
Correct your spelling
collect
useful knowledge related to international
such
as sports , movies and many more . it is really
beneficials
Correct your spelling
beneficial
for them so there is no need to add
Correct article usage
an addtional
show examples
addtional
Correct your spelling
additional
subject
of
news
. on the flip side , International
news
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
essential for
grasp
Wrong verb form
grasping
show examples
more information for
students
this
way they come to know what is happening around the world . some
students
do not know much about
news
and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge about any
news
such
as politics , sports , education and so on .
This
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good tool or
subject
where they gain more information and become
addicated
Correct your spelling
addicted
to
seek
Wrong verb form
seeking
show examples
something new.
overall
it can be said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Due to
competition
students
should learn only their school subjects
instead
of international
news
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
they can learn about them from
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
media so
instead
of
this
they should take care of their health and choose things which they have
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Submitted by simran17895 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay contains some logical structure, but transitions between ideas need improvement for better flow. Consider using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more compelling. Try to provide a balanced overview in the introduction and a more definitive opinion in the conclusion.
task achievement
While the essay does respond to the task, the arguments lack depth. It's important to elaborate more on each point and provide specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas exist but are sometimes overshadowed by unclear phrasing. Work on expressing your points more clearly and concisely.
task achievement
More specific and relevant examples would strengthen your arguments. Try to use concrete examples to illustrate each of your points.
task achievement
The essay attempts to cover both sides of the argument, showing an effort to understand and respond to the task comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion gives a clear opinion, which is essential for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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