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Band 4.5

Many people these days prefer to have their own businesses. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #businesses
Alot
Correct your spelling
A lot
 of people these days like to have their own businesses and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a high income. but there are
also
 drawbacks to be taken into account.
Firstly
, one
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 of people having their own businesses is that
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have the freedom to make decisions and do whatever
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want.
In other words
, without having to ask the boss or the manager.
For example
, imagine someone
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 his own company. he can
chose
Change the verb form
choose
show examples
 his clients and put
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 salary
like
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
he
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
.
As a result
,
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a
business
 is good
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those who want to be someone
value
Replace the word
valuable
show examples
 to their family.
Secondly
, entrepreneurs often
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have creative ideas and
runs
Correct subject-verb agreement
run
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 make it easy
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 it
according to
 their vision.
On the other hand
, one problem when people have their own businesses is that
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have to deal with the all issues of the
business
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own.
That is
 to say, it is risky because
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
 the
business
 will not succeed and you need
a-lot
Correct your spelling
a lot
show examples
 of money.
For instance
, If you have
a restaurants
Correct the article-noun agreement
a restaurant
restaurants
show examples
 and you want to open another one,you will need to have a good location
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
otherwise
 you won’t return
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
many back without
client
Fix the agreement mistake
clients
show examples
.
Therefore
, financial risk and you will feel stress and you have to move on with losses that you will make it. Another possible issue is that
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 have a
business
 will suffer
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the first exactly in the market and the client.
To sum up
’
although
 having a
business
 can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beneficial it can
also
 lead
stress
Fix the infinitive
to stress
show examples
 and
working
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 from the morning to the evening with
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
Correct your spelling
salary
salery
Correct your spelling
salary
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
You answer the prompt, but it's important to structure your essay more clearly. Starting with a clear introduction and ending with a proper conclusion will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical flow from one point to the next. Use linking words such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'On the other hand,' to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Support your arguments with relevant examples more specific and detailed examples. This will strengthen your points and show a deeper understanding.
task achievement
Your essay touches on both advantages and disadvantages of owning a business, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
You have identified key points such as financial risk, decision-making freedom, and dealing with issues independently.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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