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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The provided line chart depicts the rate of citizens living in urban spaces of four countries in Asia over the course of 70 years, beginning from 1970

The provided line chart depicts the rate of citizens living in urban spaces of four countries in Asia over the course of 70 years, beginning from 1970
#line #rate #citizens #spaces #four #countries #asia #course #years
The graph illustrates the
population
's rate of people who live in cities in four different Asian countries (Philipines, Malaysia, Thailand,
Correct word choice
and Indonesi
show examples
Indonesi
Correct your spelling
Indonesia
) between 1970 to 2020, and the forecast
population
 in 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, it is evident that all countries exhibit an increasing
population
 trend from the past to the future. In 1970,
Philippines's
Correct article usage
the Philippines's
show examples
population
 proportion was just above 30% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
population
, making it the highest contributor in that year. The figure
then
 significantly reached 50% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
population
 by 1990, before slightly
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 to around 40% by 2010.
However
,
the
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 will increase to more than 50%
until
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2040.
On the other hand
, in 1970, Malaysia had just under
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 third of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 residents. Its share continued to grow to greater than 60% by 2020 and it is expected to reach about 80% of total residents by the end of the period, making it be most dominant contributor from 2000 to 2040. Moving to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Thailand's figure, the populace's rate was just below 20% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 world's people in 1970. It steadily climbed to nearly 30% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
population
 by 2000 and it is predicted to contribute to
larger
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 than 40% by 2040.
Conversely
, the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
Indonesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesian
show examples
population
 was only around 10% in 1970 which was the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 proportion at that time.
However
, its amount showed a
remakable
Correct your spelling
remarkable
rising
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
 to just about 50% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 world's residents by 2020.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
this
 figure will continue to rise to around 60% by 2040.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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