IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English house.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English house.
#demand #electricity #england #winter #summer #english #house
The supplied line graph indicates how much
electricity
 is consumed by English
people
 in winter and summer.
Moreover
,the provided pie chart illustrates the
electricity
 is being used for what types of
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 in
England
. It can be clearly seen that the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
electricity
 has an upward trend in winter in
England
.
However
,the
amount
 of using
electricity
 in summer by English
people
 remained unchanged.
In addition
,the highest percentage of using
electricity
 is for heating rooms and water.Whilst,
people
 do not use
electricity
 for lighting and TV very much in
England
. Approximately
34000
Add a hyphen
34000-watt
show examples
watt
electricity
Change preposition
of electricity
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 being used by English
people
 and
then
 after a moderate rise,it reached the
peack
Correct your spelling
peak
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 nearly 50000
watt
Change to a plural noun
watts
show examples
 in 21 in
England
 in winter.(Which is the highest
amount
 of using
electricity
 over the period).
Additionally
,more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
electricity
 is for heating rooms and water at %52.5 in the UK.(Which is the highest percentage of consuming
electricity
 over the whole year). In summer,the
amount
 of
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
electricity
initiates
Verb problem
used starts
show examples
 at just under 20000
watt
Fix the agreement mistake
watts
show examples
 at 0 and
then
 it levelled off at roughly 15000
watt
Change to a plural noun
watts
show examples
 at 6 in
England
.Next,
at the end
 of the
trend
Add a comma
trend,
show examples
 the usage of
electricity
 reached around
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
18000 at 24 in the UK.Surprisingly,the
amount
 of consuming
electricity
 for lighting,TV,
radio
Correct word choice
and radio
show examples
 was completely the same as the percentage of using
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaner,food mixers and electric tools at %15 in
England
.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, people, england, amount, watt with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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