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Band 5

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #freedom #work #world #development #communication #technology #transportation
Nowadays
people
 have a lot of
opportunities
, they can
work
 and live anywhere, because of the development of
technologies
such
 as communication and transportation technology . I believe there are significant benefits to using modern
technologies
 in that way with only a few minor drawbacks. Innovative
technologies
 have more advantages than disadvantages mainly because of the
opportunities
 to live and
work
 anywhere. Modern
technologies
 access to
work
 online, so
people
 can live in
the other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
 country and
work
 online for another, it is especially convenient if somebody
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 and knowledge to
work
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the best companies, but cannot because there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
such
 companies in that country. Development of
technologies
 affected to beginning
Change preposition
of
show examples
Globalization, and
due to
 Globalization all countries have
opportunities
 to develop as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one country and have
convenience
Correct article usage
a convenience
show examples
 system that allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 visit anywhere,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
improved
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
 the quality of life.
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks of modernization improvements. Some
people
 think that they can do anything
due to
 the freedom that they have,
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 they use modern
technologies
 for other negative purposes, especially for scamming.
For instance
,
people
 live far away abroad and choose one nation to scam them, and it is difficult to catch them or return scammed money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they use complex strategies using the improvements in technology. It suggests the importance of teaching how to prevent it at that moment. In conclusion,
although
 it has some detrimental
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
,
such
 as scamming moments when someone earns money by tricking others, it greatly improves the quality of life giving
people
 a lot of
opportunities
 to live
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their dream life.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Improve your logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has one clear main idea and is well-developed. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more comprehensive.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This will help make your points clearer and more convincing.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of the development of communication technology and transportation.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a clear beginning and end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication technology
  • transportation
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • freedom
  • work and live
  • development
  • increased job opportunities
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • cultural exposure
  • diversity
  • economic growth
  • globalization
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • loss of community
  • sense of belonging
  • expensive cost of living
  • housing
  • strain on infrastructure
  • resources
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