In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this?
One
of today's most controversial issues relates to the lack of youngsters' spare time. The importance of rest is well-known to everyone. Use synonyms
However
, nowadays society often tends to anticipate high results and hard work from students, stressing them out.
Linking Words
One
of the main aspects of the problem is that students, apparently, fear to disappoint their relatives when studying. Use synonyms
One
of the main reasons behind Use synonyms
that is
that Linking Words
people
usually associate failure in education with Use synonyms
failuring
career in the future. Correct your spelling
a failing
Therefore
, they require Linking Words
diligency
and absolute dedication to Correct your spelling
diligence
learning
process from young learners, since, they believe, Correct article usage
the learning
this
is Linking Words
Add an article
a guarantee
the guarantee
guarantee
Wrong verb form
guaranteed
to
Change preposition
apply
successful
experience. Add an article
a successful
This
could lead to serious mental problems, Linking Words
such
as depression, or might result in worsening relationships with parent figures.
To tackle Linking Words
this
problem Linking Words
people
should decrease the stress level of those who study hard without any breaks. Use synonyms
One
of the best ways to do Use synonyms
this
is to encourage pupils to pay attention to their health, whether it is mental or physical well-being. That way Linking Words
people
will be taught to not endure their studies only to please their environment.
Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to a conclusion that the solution Use synonyms
of
the problem is simple, despite how crucial that issue is.
So it would not be surprising to see some changes Change preposition
to
is
Correct your spelling
in
people
's Use synonyms
mind
in the near future. Actions must be taken urgently, Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Linking Words
otherwise
countries will face unpleasant consequences.Add a comma
otherwise,
Submitted by dnm.best on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic and provides some insights into the causes, it would benefit greatly from further development of ideas and offering more specific examples. Consider elaborating on the points made and providing concrete examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Although the essay has a logical structure, some connections between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly stated, which give the essay a good framework.
task achievement
The essay discusses a relevant and interesting issue, and it clearly identifies a cause for young people's lack of leisure time.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.