IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more and more people to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

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It is true that after marrying,
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 more couples have a tendency
of delaying
Change preposition
to delay
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 giving birth until later in their life.
This
Linking Words
 trend may be the result of some notable reasons.
In addition
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 I accept that there are several drawbacks, I think these are outweighed by the benefits. There are some reasons why young people want to delay childbirth.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having
babies
Use synonyms
 later
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 the young countless opportunities to enjoy their lives.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 they could have more time to step out of their comfort zones to discover interesting things
such
Linking Words
 as taking up sports,
switching
Correct word choice
and switching
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 between different jobs to find the one which may be right for them.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are more likely to not only have diverse experiences
of
Change preposition
in
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 life but progress rapidly in their career. Another factor that causes people to be unwilling to have
babies
Use synonyms
 is their employment status. In fact, the job market is becoming more and more competitive, leading to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher unemployment rate.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they need to concentrate on their work to maintain their position in the company, which means the neglect of parental role. On the one hand, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend. The first disadvantage is the
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
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 of suffering from potential health problems or even death, especially
with
Change preposition
for
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 those who are pregnant after 35 years of age.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, having
babies
Use synonyms
 later has negative impacts on their future offspring, resulting in
Asperger
Correct article usage
the Asperger
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 of
babies
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that there are great advantages to be gained. They could avoid being overburdened with looking after their offspring during the hectic time to prepare for their professional career.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they would have the chance to enjoy themselves with their passions
such
Linking Words
 as learning how to play musical instruments or doing whatever they want before embarking on parenthood. In conclusion, there are several reasons why young people want to delay childbirth. I would argue that the benefits of
this
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 trend have more than compensated for the drawbacks.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the cohesion and coherence of your essay, make sure to use linking words and phrases more variedly. This will help connect your ideas more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion is strong, but you can slightly improve the introduction by connecting it more directly to the body paragraphs. This creates a seamless flow from start to finish.
task achievement
Try to be more specific with your examples. For instance, mentioning specific types of sports or jobs can provide clearer context and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the prompt by discussing both reasons and the advantages and disadvantages of the trend.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and easy to follow, which helps the reader understand your points effectively.
task achievement
Your essay clearly presents comprehensive ideas, and you effectively balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages.
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