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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the modern society, young people have a tendency of postponing their parenthood until late 30's or even early 40's. This essay shall deal with the reasons for this phenomenon and the effects this has on the families and societies.

#society #people #tendency #parenthood #phenomenon #effects #families #societies
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Many factors could be responsible for
this
Linking Words
 trend. The most important reason is that in today's era of cutthroat competition, young people have to focus on their jobs and
therefore
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 have little time for their
families
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. What is more, women of today have become more
career oriented
Add a hyphen
career-oriented
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 and do not wish to be held back by family responsibilities. Obviously under
such
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circumstance
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circumstances
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, committing to a serious relationship or starting a family, which means tremendous responsibility and dedication, is not a preferable choice. The cost increase of raising a child is another barrier to late parenthood, and
this
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 is especially obvious in major cities around the world.
This
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 change of lifestyle can have some negative effects on
the
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apply
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society as a whole.
Firstly
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, low
birth-rates
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birth rates
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 can result in an ageing population and a lack of labour force in the future. A greying society is a dependent society and is a burden on the
shoulder
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shoulders
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 of the government. Medical care services can be in high demand and medical
cost
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costs
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 can rise significantly. The
families
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 too cannot escape the brunt of
such
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 a situation. The most disturbing effect is that
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
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 of congenital anomalies rise significantly if a woman bears the first child after the age of 40.
The
Correct article usage
Families
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families
Use synonyms
 with mentally or physically challenged children can never be happy
families
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. Another effect can be that the age gap between parents and children is too much
and
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apply
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so
chances
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the chances
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 of
generation
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a generation
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 gap are strong. Summing up, there are many reasons, which are responsible for people marrying late and having babies late in life and
this
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 definitely is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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societies and
families
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, young people should learn to give importance to both, a career and a family life.
Submitted by rami_agha77 on

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relevant specific examples
Consider providing some specific, real-world examples or statistics to make your points more concrete.
logical structure
Try to use more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases to enhance the fluency and coherence of the essay.
complete response
The essay provides a complete and clear response to the question, addressing both reasons and effects.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively frame the essay's arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas are comprehensive, discussing multiple dimensions of the issue such as career focus, economic factors, societal impact, and family implications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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