IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that having sports lessons at school is a waste of time. Write an article for your school newspaper, giving your views.

#people #sports #lessons #school #waste #time #article #newspaper
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe degrade
sports
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 because they think
it’s
Use synonyms
 not a
carrier
Use synonyms
 for the upcoming generation. Much as they hate it they love it as well. There are an estimated
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
7 billion
people
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 and I’m sure that 95% of
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
people
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 love
sports
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. The question is are
sports
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 a waste of time?
It’s
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 true that
sports
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 aren’t a waste of time but can
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 get to you anywhere? The answer is no! More than 80% of the
people
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 who take
sports
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a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
Use synonyms
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
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 fail to go to professional standard.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 if we go in the
feild
Correct your spelling
field
 of
education
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, becoming a teacher, a
polititian
Correct your spelling
politician
, or a
principle
Correct your spelling
principal
show examples
, chances are
thet
Correct your spelling
that
 you will likely succeed. The reason is physical talent can be harder than mental talent. Most of the students whom they try to educate can
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 more than a student who plays basketball with friends as a
Use synonyms
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
. I believe
thet
Correct your spelling
that
education
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 plays a bigger role in
carrier
Use synonyms
choosing
Replace the word
choice
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
sports
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 isn’t a waste of time,
it’s
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 just that it can’t be taken as a
Use synonyms
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
.
Sports
Use synonyms
 is most likely to be a hobby.
Sports
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 many benefits to your health and
motivationi
Correct your spelling
motivation
motivations
,
also
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
 can lead
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in diseases and severe infections.
However
Linking Words
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not for a
carrier
Use synonyms
.
It’s
Use synonyms
 pretty clear that hobbies cannot be taken as a
Use synonyms
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
.
Sports
Use synonyms
 can be a benefit for motivation and health, but not for a
Use synonyms
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
.
Where as
Correct your spelling
Whereas
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 can lead you somewhere which can be a
carrier
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 or even
further
Linking Words
. Mental
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 can be easier than physical
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
Therefore
Linking Words
 in my opinion
education
Use synonyms
 comes first.
Submitted by maryamshafeeq on

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task achievement
Provide specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This can help to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive ideas and ensure that each paragraph introduces a new aspect or perspective on the topic. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are logically structured and that each paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next. This will help to maintain the reader's interest throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and remains focused on the topic throughout.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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