Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
there is an argument that it is important for
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to learn the difference between
right
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and wrong at an early age and punishment is necessary to help them learn
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

distinction.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

However
Add a comma
However,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

show examples
completely agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

opinion for two reasons. first of all, many
kids
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

nowday
Correct your spelling
nowadays

If you don’t want nowday to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
being naughty and rude. there are many
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors

The singular countable noun factor follows the quantifier many, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

show examples
that can influence
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids

It seems that kid may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
of being
Change preposition
to be

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
naughty and rude.
usually
Add a comma
usually,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase usually. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
kids
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

nowday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
nowaday

If you don’t want nowday to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

were
Wrong verb form
are

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb were. Consider changing it.

show examples
allowed by their
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to play phone or any other gadget and they usually watch something that
the
Correct your spelling
they

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
find interesting. but in the digital
era
Add a comma
era,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in the digital era. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
many people post something
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

prohibitted
Correct your spelling
prohibited

If you don’t want prohibitted to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

for the
kids
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to watch and the
kids
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

usually
follows
Correct subject-verb agreement
follow

It seems that the verb follows does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
what they watch.
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

must
taught
Change the verb form
teach
be taught

The verb taught after the modal verb must does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
the
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

between
right
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and wrong because when
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
bad
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things

It seems that thing may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
become some
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit

It seems that habits may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
its
Correct your spelling
it is

The word its doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
really hard to change their
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions

It seems that action may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
doing
some thing
Correct your spelling
something

The word some thing seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
wrong. if
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't

If you don’t want didnt to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

taught
Wrong verb form
teach

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb taught. Consider changing it.

show examples
them what is wrong and what is
right
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

they might
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

didnt
Correct your spelling
not

If you don’t want didnt to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

know
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions

It seems that action may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
that they can or can`t do and as they grow they can be a rude person.
second,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

many
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't

If you don’t want didnt to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

know how to punish their
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. many of them start hitting their
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

pnly
Correct your spelling
only

If you don’t want pnly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

because their
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

make something wrong.
hitting
Capitalize word
Hitting

The word hitting should be capitalized in this context.

show examples
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is one of
most worst
Change the adjective
the worst

The compound superlative most worst may be incorrect. Make sure you are using the correct superlative form.

show examples
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods

It seems that method may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
of punishing your
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

it can make your
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

some childhood trauma and makes them hate their
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. so
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of hitting your
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

child
Add a comma
child,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase instead of hitting your child. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
you can just
told
Change the verb form
tell
be told

The verb told after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
them softly what they can or cannot do in
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in conclusion. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
dont use abusive
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods

It seems that method may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
to punish your
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of use
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
nice and
soft spoken
Add a hyphen
soft-spoken

It seems that soft spoken is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
language to educate your
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

teaching our
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

the difference between
right
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and wrong is very important many
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

child
Fix the agreement mistake
children

It seems that child may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
becaome
Correct your spelling
become
became

If you don’t want becaome to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

naughty and rude because
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
didnt
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

teach them what to do so.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to ensure that each paragraph is developed with clear and specific examples that reinforce your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising the essay structure for better coherence. Make sure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one to enhance the reader's understanding.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and spelling to improve clarity and professionalism. This includes using the correct forms of words and punctuation.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion, maintaining a consistent stance throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay touches on important aspects of the effects of parents and technology on children's behavior, indicating a good understanding of relevant issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: