IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people today are using computers and electronic devices to access information. Therefore there is no need to print books, magazines and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, it is becoming
increasely
Correct your spelling
increasingly
 common for
people
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 to use
computers
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 and electronic
devices
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 to search some
informations
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information
pieces of information
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.
While
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 some
people
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 think that there is no need to have printed
media
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, I,
however
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 strongly disagree with
this
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 idea.
Firstly
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,
computers
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 and other electronic
devices
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 could expose blue light radiation which may reduce user's
eye
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 health.
As
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People
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people
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, especially employees who spend their
entirely
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entire
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 working
time
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 in front of the
computers
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 will affected
to
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by
show examples
this
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, resulting in the potential use of
Use synonyms
eye glasses
Correct your spelling
eyeglasses
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.
Therefore
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, employers should give
eye
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 treatment complimentary for their workers and provide printed sources for them to offer flexible choices
while
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 working.
Furthermore
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, reading and learning from
handed book
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handbooks
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 will reduce
people
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's screen
time
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 and encourage them to have better eyesight.
Secondly
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, there are several apps inside electronic
devices
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,
such
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 as social
media
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 TikTok and online games which could make
people
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 have
least
Correct article usage
the least
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 attention span. With
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology and
Add an article
the algorithm
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algorithm
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algorithms
show examples
 built for their users to always
hooked
Add a missing verb
be hooked
show examples
 into their apps, it will make their users
to
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apply
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spend more and more hours
into
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on
show examples
this
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 and they not
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 productive at all.
As a result
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,
this
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 might reduce their ability and cognitive system to learn something scientific or just
comprehently
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comprehend
comprehensibly
competently
 read something in
longer
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a longer
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time
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, since
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
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 addicted to electronic
devices
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should
resctricted
Correct your spelling
restrict
restricted
 their reliance
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
computers
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 and try to spend their
time
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to read
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reading
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 printed
novel
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novels
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 or
newspaper
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newspapers
show examples
 so they may have longer focus and not
easily
Add a missing verb
be easily
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 distracted. In conclusion,
while
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 there is a significant trend for
people
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 to use their electronic
devices
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 to help
their
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with their
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 daily tasks, I believe that
people
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 still need the
existance
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existence
 of printed
media
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due to
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 the various benefits. Reading printed
media
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 can reduce their addiction to
computers
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 and a better
opt
Replace the word
option
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 to maintain their
eye
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 health from blue light radiation.

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grammar
Make sure to take some time to proofread your work for small grammatical errors and language inaccuracies. This can make your ideas appear more polished and professional.
example
Try to deepen your analysis by including specific examples or data to give more weight to your points. This can be particularly powerful in persuading your reader of your argument.
paragraph structure
Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to your main thesis, and consider developing your main points further to provide more detailed and comprehensive arguments.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
content
You have addressed two main points in support of your argument, providing a balanced perspective.
relevance
The relevance of your points to the topic statement is evident throughout your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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