Is it important for people to take more risks in their professional career and their personal lifes. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #career #lifes

Is it important for people to take more

risks

in their professional

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

and their personal

lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

show examples

Change the punctuation

show examples

What

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

the

advantage

Fix the agreement mistake

advantages

show examples

and

disadvantage

Fix the agreement mistake

disadvantages

show examples

of taking more and just staying

nicely

Change the word

nice

show examples

and doing nothing for their

future

the

Change the word

their

show examples

professional

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

and their own

life

Change the punctuation

show examples

Advantage, when we were young our parents always said to study hard about

yourself

Correct pronoun usage

ourselves

show examples

and

your

Correct pronoun usage

our

show examples

future

self

Fix the agreement mistake

selves

show examples

. What kind of study and subject that you must learn for your

future

career

Change the punctuation

show examples

And what you should prepare for your

future

. If you study more you know more about yourself and know what your

career

will be in the

future

Example

Change preposition

For example

show examples

, if you want to become a chef, learn how to cook, how to manage the restaurant, and how to maintain the taste of the food. If you want to become a businessman, learn economy, accounting, business planning, financial management, and networking. But the key to

success

is that you must work hard and if you fail, try again. Disadvantages of not taking

risks

for your

future

career

and your own self. Missed opportunities: Avoiding

risks

often means staying within your comfort zone, by missing out on new opportunities whether it’s a new job

and

Correct word choice

show examples

learning a new skill. lower potential for

success

often requires taking calculated

risks

, by playing it safe, you may limit yourself

for

Change preposition

show examples

achieve

Change the verb form

achieving

show examples

significant

success

in your

career

life

. In conclusion, if you take more

risks

in your

life

and your

career

life

. You could be more successful in your

life

. And know how to solve problems in your business.

Submitted by riani.the2 on Fri Sep 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is a positive aspect of your writing. However, the logical structure of your essay could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear flow throughout the essay.

task achievement

Your main points are present, but they need more development and support. Make sure to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

There were some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that made certain parts of the essay less clear. Review your writing to ensure it is free of errors and flows naturally.

task achievement

You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

task achievement

Your essay includes relevant examples, such as discussing the preparation needed to become a chef or a businessman. These examples help illustrate your points and make your argument more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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0Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

259 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Is it important for people to take more risks in their professional career and their personal lifes. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is loss the of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

Nowadays many young people are going to other countries for their future. What are the reasons for it? How it will be in 30 years?