IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As a result of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights. What problems does this have on the environment? What measures could be taken to solve the problems?

#tourism #people #demand #flights #environment #measures
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In today’s world, where environmental challenges are accelerating at a high rate, the carbon footprint left by human activities is a growing concern. One of the main contributors
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
air
 transport with long-distance
flights
 consuming a huge amount of
fuel
 and releasing harmful
emissions
. There's arguing that limiting
flights
,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 tourist
travel
, would be more effective in reducing
pollution
 than limiting
car
use
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explore
both
 sides of
this
 argument. One of the strongest arguments for limiting non-essential
flights
 is the huge amount of
fuel
 they consume compared to
cars
. A single long-distance flight can
use
 up the same amount of
fuel
 a
car
 might
use
 over several years.
Moreover
,
pollution
 released by planes is making the situation of the greenhouse effect worse. As international journeys soar in popularity, especially for tourism, the
emissions
 from
air
travel
 have surged, and by that taking a part in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the global environmental crisis.
Thus
, reducing non-essential
flights
 could significantly cut down on
emissions
 and place us on the right track toward sustainability.
On the other hand
,
cars
 are all over the place compared to planes. Even though a flight might consume more
fuel
 in one journey, the daily
use
 of millions of
cars
 globally leads to continuous
pollution
, making it much worse.
Car
 transportation is on average 57% higher than
air
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
. CO2 emission from vehicles is skyrocketing, and limiting
car
use
 could absolutely help to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
 a lot. Encouraging and developing public transportation and eco-friendly alternatives,
such
 as electric vehicles, might
also
 help with reducing the greenhouse effect. A practical solution to
this
 problem would involve addressing
both
air
travel
 and
car
 usage. Discouraging non-essential
flights
 could help reduce the impact of
air
travel
 on the environment, but a complete focus on
this
 would overlook the
pollution
 caused by
cars
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should take steps to limit
both
 sectors by offering advantages for electric vehicle owners,
while
 simultaneously promoting eco-friendly
travel
 options,
could
Correct pronoun usage
which could
show examples
 lead to a
more
Correct word choice
greater
show examples
 reduction in
emissions
. In conclusion,
while
it is clear that
 long-distance
flights
 contribute significantly to
pollution
, focusing only on reducing tourist
travel
 would not be enough.
Both
air
travel
 and
car
 usage must be addressed to the issue of accelerating environmental crisis.
Further
 down the road, a balanced approach that targets
both
 sectors would be the most effective solution in reducing
emissions
 and ensuring a sustainable future.
Submitted by oimigle on

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relevant specific examples
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clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that arguments are balanced well and provide a clear stance. The essay currently drifts towards focusing more on one argument, diluting the balanced perspective you aimed to present.
logical structure
You have provided a strong logical structure with clear transitions between paragraphs, making it easy to follow your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
You have thoroughly introduced the topic and concluded it effectively, which helps in delivering a coherent message.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with logical arguments, making your stance easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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