Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation. Discuss both these views and give your own.
Some
people
argue that if something bad happen
to them, like do not match with their job or lack of money, the best thing to do is just accept it. Meanwhile, others think that they can not just stand still, they must try to fix the situation. Change the verb form
happens
This
essay will analyze both sides and the conclusion will be made.
To begin
with, in life, people
will go through at least once in their lifetime the lowest point as long as they live. For example
, I was
failed Unnecessary verb
apply
for
many times when I tried to pursue my dream university. At that time, I was just crying all night and wondering why Change preposition
apply
this
must
happened to me. Correct your spelling
just
However
, because I really want
to become a student Wrong verb form
wanted
at
there, I tried again Change preposition
apply
the
examination Change preposition
for the
in
the Change preposition
apply
next
following year and passed the test. Correct word choice
apply
Therefore
, I am
not just accept the feeling, Verb problem
did
instead
I was working harder to change the condition.
Add a comma
instead,
In addition
, there are some people
who will not accept the feeling of sadness or hardships. Even, they will find the solution to make their life be
better. Unnecessary verb
apply
For instance
, I was
failed on my first ever experience when taking IELTS. The Unnecessary verb
apply
overall
band score was
not fulfill my Verb problem
did
expectation
. Because of Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
this
, I try harder and harder and practice everyday
. The failure becomes my motivation to get a better result. Replace the word
every day
Thus
, bad
situation motivates me to work harder than before.
To summarise, I feel that bad things can encourage Correct article usage
the bad
people
to not give up with
their current situations. Change preposition
on
Instead
, just accept it and feel sad for a long time without making improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
is
worse. Unnecessary verb
apply
Hence
, people
can change bad moments into doing better in
the next time.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by wishmeluck on
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task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas more comprehensively. The essay often touches on points but doesn't explore them in enough depth.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain a logical structure throughout the essay. Arrange your points to flow more naturally from one to the next.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are sufficiently supported with relevant examples. While some examples were good, some points lacked depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs. This will help in maintaining coherence and aiding the reader's understanding.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up both sides of the argument effectively.
relevant specific examples
Your personal examples are engaging and relevant, which makes the essay more relatable.