Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation. Discuss both these views and give your own.

Some
people
argue that if something bad
happen
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happens
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to them, like do not match with their job or lack of money, the best thing to do is just accept it. Meanwhile, others think that they can not just stand still, they must try to fix the situation.
This
essay will analyze both sides and the conclusion will be made.
To begin
with, in life,
people
will go through at least once in their lifetime the lowest point as long as they live.
For example
, I
was
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apply
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failed
for
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apply
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many times when I tried to pursue my dream university. At that time, I was just crying all night and wondering why
this
must
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just
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happened to me.
However
, because I really
want
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wanted
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to become a student
at
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apply
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there, I tried again
the
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for the
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examination
in
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apply
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the
next
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apply
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following year and passed the test.
Therefore
, I
am
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did
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not just accept the feeling,
instead
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instead,
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I was working harder to change the condition.
In addition
, there are some
people
who will not accept the feeling of sadness or hardships. Even, they will find the solution to make their life
be
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apply
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better.
For instance
, I
was
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apply
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failed on my first ever experience when taking IELTS. The
overall
band score
was
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did
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not fulfill my
expectation
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expectations
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. Because of
this
, I try harder and harder and practice
everyday
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every day
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. The failure becomes my motivation to get a better result.
Thus
,
bad
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the bad
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situation motivates me to work harder than before. To summarise, I feel that bad things can encourage
people
to not give up
with
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on
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their current situations.
Instead
, just accept it and feel sad for a long time without making
improvement
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improvements
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is
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worse.
Hence
,
people
can change bad moments into doing better
in
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apply
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the next time.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas more comprehensively. The essay often touches on points but doesn't explore them in enough depth.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain a logical structure throughout the essay. Arrange your points to flow more naturally from one to the next.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are sufficiently supported with relevant examples. While some examples were good, some points lacked depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs. This will help in maintaining coherence and aiding the reader's understanding.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up both sides of the argument effectively.
relevant specific examples
Your personal examples are engaging and relevant, which makes the essay more relatable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Contentment
  • Resilience
  • Personal growth
  • Endurance
  • Initiative
  • Advancement
  • Catalyst
  • Financial stability
  • Status quo
  • Innovation
  • Missed opportunities
  • Life satisfaction
  • Adverse situations
  • Taking control
  • Risk assessment
  • Change management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivation
  • Stagnation
  • Proactivity
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