Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Other believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather that compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the contemporary epoch, there are several debates over whether a
sense
of
competition
or a
sense
of cooperation should be emphasized in
children
's upbringing procedure. In the following essay will be discussed both standpoints and
elaborateed
Correct your spelling
elaborated
elaborate
elaborates
on the advantages and disadvantages of these viewpoints. On the one hand, a
sense
of
competition
can motivate
children
to strive more than their capacities.
Thus
,
this
sense
leads to several achievements in their life, and they with a high possibility to pursue their happiness.
In addition
, the highlighted
sense
boosts a level of communication,
hence
,
children
who have the mentioned
sense
are able to forge or even maintain their relationships more favourable compared to other
children
.
On the other hand
, a cooperation
sense
fosters
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
abilities of
children
. It is obvious that
children
with a better
sense
of cooperating have a higher level of
teamworking
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
.
Moreover
,
this
collaborative spirit can lead to more harmonious workplaces. In
this
unity
workeplace
Correct your spelling
workplace
, all members work efficiently.
Therefore
, the mentioned firms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
progress quickly, so
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
of their productivities are enhanced in
this
intimate system.
Furthermore
, people who have
this
sense
live more healthier in comparison with the other
children
, because
children
with a
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
spirit always do their best to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
excellence.
Overall
, both points of view have benefits and drawbacks. Everybody,
due to
preferences, opts the one of the discussed approaches in
this
essay. In my
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, a
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
sense
can cause more
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
in
children
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, but may
sabotages
Change the verb form
sabotage
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
mind's
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minds'
show examples
health.
Hence
, choosing a
balance
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balanced
show examples
method for
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
of
children
is
considerable
Change the word
considerably
show examples
crucial.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, work on clear paragraphing and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed before moving to the next.
task achievement
Use more varied and sophisticated examples to effectively support your main points and illustrate your arguments better.
grammar lexis
Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving lexical resource to increase clarity and precision.
content
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a considered opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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