In some countries of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However, in some countries, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments? In your opinion, which one is better?
Nowadays, in some
nations
a number of Add a comma
nations,
people
are shifting toward Use synonyms
Use synonyms
use
of Add an article
the use
cars
to commute, Use synonyms
whereas
, in a few countries a bigger section of the community Linking Words
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
cycles
. In my opinion, Use synonyms
latter
is a positive development and it must be promoted Correct article usage
the latter
and
the reasons to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
Correct word choice
apply
To begin
with, those who advocate the former trend assert that Linking Words
Use synonyms
use
of Correct article usage
the use
cars
saves travelling time. In fact, Use synonyms
this
mode enables an individual to cover Linking Words
large
distance in a short period of time. To illustrate, with the construction of new highways Add an article
a large
cars
can Use synonyms
cruse
at a speed of 100 Correct your spelling
cruise
kilometers
per hour easily. Change the spelling
kilometres
However
, I do not agree with Linking Words
this
notion completely because public transport Linking Words
such
as Linking Words
high speed
trains can be used to cover large distances.
Add a hyphen
high-speed
On the other hand
, Linking Words
people
are shifting their interests towards bicycles because of Environmental concerns. As a matter of fact, rising awareness of climate Use synonyms
changes
is driving commuters to Fix the agreement mistake
change
use
Use synonyms
cycles
to reduce carbon footprints. To illustrate, Use synonyms
according to
a survey, about 33 per cent of pollution is caused by vehicular emissions. Linking Words
Therefore
, Linking Words
people
are opting Use synonyms
more
Change preposition
for more
environment friendly
options like Add a hyphen
environment-friendly
cycles
Use synonyms
instead
of Linking Words
cars
.
Use synonyms
In addition
, cycling offers Health benefits and promotes an active lifestyle. Linking Words
Furthermore
, bicycles are seen as Linking Words
solution
to solve traffic jams and Add an article
a solution
the solution
congestions
in cities. Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
Hence
, commuters are preferring Linking Words
cycles
over Use synonyms
cars
.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, Linking Words
cars
can cover large distances in Use synonyms
short
span but issues related to climate changes, health and traffic jams are forcing Add an article
a short
people
to Use synonyms
use
sustainable options like Use synonyms
cycles
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
You've made your argument clear and presented relevant reasons for both developments. However, you could provide a little more elaboration and specific examples to strengthen your points further.
coherence cohesion
Work on tightening the logical flow of your paragraphs. While your essay is generally coherent, minor improvements in transitioning between ideas and ensuring the paragraphs are directly linked to each other can boost your score.
coherence cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are effective, ensure that all main points introduced in the body paragraphs directly support the thesis statement. This will further enhance the cohesiveness of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay includes a strong introduction and conclusion which succinctly summarize your arguments.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the essay prompt by discussing both developments (shift towards cars and bicycles) and providing reasons for each.
relevant specific examples
You have utilized relevant examples to back up your points, which adds validity to your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example