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Band 3.5

Research indicates that the characteristic we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider as a major influence?

#research #influence #personality #development #experiences #life
Recent research has shown the importance of innate attributes that have several effects on
people
's personalities and their distinates.
In addition
, these researches emphasize the issue that genetic characteristics have more effects than the characteristics caused by different experiences. It is obvious that with the passage of time,
people
 encounter different circumstances and situations, so they can learn and even adapt to newer situations.
For instance
,
people
 who pursue education in their life improve
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their different
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
On the other hand
, innate attributes have several influences on
people
's lives. A lot of properties,
such
 as face
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
, eye
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
, and appearance, are inherited from the older generation.
In addition
, these features affect our lives. Actually, qualifying
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some jobs
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on these properties.
Overall
, both types of characteristics have significance in our lives
due to
 the mentioned reasons in
this
 essay. From my standpoint,
although
 the genetic properties are considerably crucial, our experiences and learnings have a more substantial effect on our destinates.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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task achievement
Expand on the points made to offer more depth, especially regarding the influence of experiences on personality. Provide specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving logical flow between paragraphs. Try using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay seamlessly.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, balancing the importance of innate characteristics and experiences.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion frame the essay well, giving it a structured feel.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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