In today's world people spend a lot of money on appearence. Why does this happen? Is it a positive or negative development.

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this

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new era

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people

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invest lots of money in looks. Appearance plays a significant role in society, It happens

due to

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many reasons. In my opinion, it is a negative development which will be discussed

further

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. To start with, the reason causing

this

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firstly

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the competition which is given in our society

for example

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According to

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the survey, job recruitment demands good working

people

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for their organisation.

Secondly

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, the lifestyle of the

people

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is now changing, they have disposable income, which they spend on expensive treatments and surgeries,

for instance

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According to

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the health department, 40% of

people

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go for facial surgery.

Furthermore

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, the influence of advertisement is

also

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the cause behind

this

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, because

people

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want to enhance their looks

for example

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people

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spend on cosmetics for fair

skin

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However

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, it is a negative development because spending lots of money is a waste,

instead

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, the person can invest in helping others or in other work.

In addition

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, using cosmetics can damage the

skin

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For example

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According to

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the research, 50% of cosmetics and treatments are not good for the

skin

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and health as they contain harmful chemicals which can cause

skin

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diseases.

Furthermore

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, it has a negative psychological impact on individuals as they will not accept their again signs

such

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as wrinkles and greying of hair. In conclusion,

people

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spend lots of money on appearance because of competitiveness in society, lifestyles, job requirements and the influence of advertisements. It is a negative development because it can physical health issues and

also

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affect mental.

patelvaibhav1463Mon Aug 05 2024

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task achievement

Although your introduction is clear, be sure to refine some of your expressions for clarity. For instance, 'appearance plays a significant role in society' could be more effectively linked to the reasons why people spend money on it.

task achievement

Consider providing more detailed explanations for your examples to clearly connect them to your main points. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.

coherence and cohesion

Try to link your ideas more fluidly by using cohesive devices such as 'moreover,' 'in addition,' and 'thus,' which can guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.

coherence and cohesion

Double-check your essay for minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasing. Polishing these elements will significantly improve the coherence and professionalism of your writing.

task achievement

Your points are relevant and you provide specific examples which support your arguments well.

coherence and cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is pretty solid. You present your arguments in a clear and organized manner.

task achievement

You offer a balanced overview by discussing both reasons behind the trend and your viewpoint on whether it is positive or negative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

254 words

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In today's world people spend a lot of money on appearence. Why does this happen? Is it a positive or negative development.

Fully explain your ideas

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages.

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Other think adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe more actions can be takes to prevent crime, whole others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve the crime. Do you agree or disagree?