In today's world people spend a lot of money on appearence. Why does this happen? Is it a positive or negative development.
In
this
new eraAdd a comma
,
people
invest lots of money in looks. Appearance plays a significant role in society, It happens due to
many reasons. In my opinion, it is a negative development which will be discussed further
.
To start with, the reason causing this
, firstly
the competition which is given in our society for example
, According to
the survey, job recruitment demands good working people
for their organisation. Secondly
, the lifestyle of the people
is now changing, they have disposable income, which they spend on expensive treatments and surgeries, for instance
, According to
the health department, 40% of people
go for facial surgery.
Furthermore
, the influence of advertisement is also
the cause behind this
, because people
want to enhance their looks for example
people
spend on cosmetics for fair skin
.
However
, it is a negative development because spending lots of money is a waste, instead
, the person can invest in helping others or in other work. In addition
, using cosmetics can damage the skin
, For example
, According to
the research, 50% of cosmetics and treatments are not good for the skin
and health as they contain harmful chemicals which can cause skin
diseases. Furthermore
, it has a negative psychological impact on individuals as they will not accept their again signs such
as wrinkles and greying of hair.
In conclusion, people
spend lots of money on appearance because of competitiveness in society, lifestyles, job requirements and the influence of advertisements. It is a negative development because it can physical health issues and also
affect mental.Submitted by patelvaibhav1463 on
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task achievement
Although your introduction is clear, be sure to refine some of your expressions for clarity. For instance, 'appearance plays a significant role in society' could be more effectively linked to the reasons why people spend money on it.
task achievement
Consider providing more detailed explanations for your examples to clearly connect them to your main points. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Try to link your ideas more fluidly by using cohesive devices such as 'moreover,' 'in addition,' and 'thus,' which can guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
coherence and cohesion
Double-check your essay for minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasing. Polishing these elements will significantly improve the coherence and professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
Your points are relevant and you provide specific examples which support your arguments well.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is pretty solid. You present your arguments in a clear and organized manner.
task achievement
You offer a balanced overview by discussing both reasons behind the trend and your viewpoint on whether it is positive or negative.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.