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Band 2

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #hobby
I'm convinced
that is
 a positive
trends
Change the noun form
trend
show examples
 because nowadays shopping is more hobbies than
domestic
Add an article
a domestic
the domestic
show examples
 task,
this
 essay will demonstrate only
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 good sides of
this
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
.For
Correct determiner usage
this reason
show examples
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 because it does not waste a lot of
time
,
on the
contrary
Add the comma(s)
contrary,
show examples
this
 is a reason for
spent
Change the form of the verb
spending
show examples
 your
time
 with friends or parents.
Firstly
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people including me
prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
much less
time
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping,
while
 other
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 a very long
time
 to choose clothes, items and more. Both options
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 good but some people don't need to miscellaneous products and goods in a house how it was in past.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 The current requirement in homes is more lightweight than it used to be.
Secondly
, nowadays the routine of life has changed, current technology is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 part of our life and with their help, we can carry out home deliveries and pay taxes or utilities, and
you
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 can
also
 buy things or clothes, which is the same shopping only on the internet with
such
 reviews. In conclusion, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shopping nowadays
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of the
important
Correct quantifier usage
most important
show examples
 and better hobbies.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction could be more engaging. Consider expanding on your thesis statement to provide a clearer road map for your essay.
Task Achievement
While you present some arguments, they aren't fully developed. Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, discuss specific scenarios where shopping as a hobby benefits people.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to make your ideas clearer. Your essay would benefit from a more logical flow between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph has one main idea that is clearly supported. Currently, some ideas are somewhat disjointed and lack supporting details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion is concise. You have restated your view and closed your essay neatly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of accomplishment
  • overcoming obstacles
  • gratifying
  • continuous source of enjoyment
  • relaxing activities
  • unwind and de-stress
  • counterproductive
  • mental break
  • subjective
  • personal preference
What to do next:
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