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Band 5.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods.

#people #price #foods
More and more
people
 becoming overweight,
raising
Rephrase
so raising
show examples
 the
price
 of fattening
foods
 can be a
solution
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 raising the prices of fattening
foods
 would be helpful for low-finance
families
, some
people
 become addicted to fattening
foods
. Increasing the
price
 of fattening
foods
 can be good for
people
 who have lower incomes. Since they can not spend a high
per cent
Correct your spelling
percentage
show examples
 of their income on food. These
families
 may reduce eating junk
foods
 after raising the prices.
For example
, there are some
families
 which have no more money to spend
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 extra things
such
 as spending on fattening
foods
.
Therefore
, it would be a good
solution
 for low-finance
families
 to reduce getting overweight. On the other side, increasing the
price
 of fattening
foods
 can not be a
solution
 for some
people
. Some
people
 become addicted to fast
foods
 or some fattening
foods
 and they may not look at the
price
 of them and can purchase them even if they would be in high
price
.
For example
,
people
 who are addicted smoke particularly, they can not get rid of it even if the
price
 is increased. So, rising prices can not be a
solution
 for some
people
 who are addicted to them. In conclusion, to avoid more and more
people
 becoming overweight, raising the
price
 of fattening
foods
 can be a good
solution
 for low-income
families
. Because they can not spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more money on food. But, some
people
 may become addicted to these
foods
 and they would buy them even if it is expensive.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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