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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.
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The chart illustrates the percentage of
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 in mobile phone industries around the world between
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2005 and 2006. To compare the selling volumes between cellphone companies within two years record. The
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
high-volume in
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 was Nokia Company indicated
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 32.5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and minimal increased to 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in order. BenQ Mobile
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
sale volumes
Fix the agreement mistake
sales volume
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2005 which
got
Verb problem
was
show examples
 around 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and decreased
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half amount of
Use synonyms
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
share
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2006. Motorola, Samsung, and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 brands
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
maintained
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar level in the
market
Use synonyms
in rank
Change preposition
ranking
show examples
 of 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2005,
whereas
Linking Words
 Motorola
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
Use synonyms
market
Correct pronoun usage
its market
show examples
share
Use synonyms
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
 than 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2006 in comparison with Samsung and other brands
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 volumes. Sony Ericsson
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached the
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 at 6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
Linking Words
 LG got
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
level
Correct article usage
a level
show examples
7
Change preposition
of 7
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2005.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Sony Ericsson
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
the
Change the word
its
show examples
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 to more than 7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 but LG
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slowdown
Add an article
a slowdown
the slowdown
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2006.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words market, share, percent, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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