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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

To the right is a line graph which shows the number of farms and farm workers in the United States from 1910 – 2000. Describe the information in the graph.

To the right is a line graph which shows the number of farms and farm workers in the United States from 1910 – 2000. Describe the information in the graph.
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The line graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of ranches and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ranch employees in the US from 1910 until 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the
Use synonyms
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the total
number
Use synonyms
 of farms and
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 in these farms is
hiegh
Correct your spelling
huge
 compared with the end of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, The
number
Use synonyms
 of
farmes
Correct your spelling
farmers
farms
frames
 in 1910 was approximately 6
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and the
number
Use synonyms
 was
staedy
Correct your spelling
steady
steadily
 until it reached a peak in 1935 which was about 7
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 farmers.
Then
Linking Words
 it decreased dramatically until reached a trough in 2000 which was about 2
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, The
number
Use synonyms
 of farm workers
Add a missing verb
was considerd
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considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
 higher than the
number
Use synonyms
 of farms which was approximately 14
miilion
Correct your spelling
million
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the start of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, It was fell sharply to reach a minimum point
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000 which was about 3
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 except
two
Change preposition
for two
show examples
Use synonyms
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
, the first was
1930
Change preposition
from 1930
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 to 1940 which in that time rose slightly and the second was
1950
Change preposition
from 1950
show examples
to1960
Correct your spelling
to 1960
 which
Add a missing verb
was considerd
show examples
considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
 stable during that time.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, period, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • steadily declined
  • sharp decrease
  • fluctuated
  • peaked
  • plateaued
  • consistent downward trend
  • correlation
  • inverse relationship
  • notable increase
  • plunge
  • coincide
  • drastically
  • proportionally
  • trends
  • timeline
  • significant change
  • marked difference
  • fell dramatically
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