Writing task 2 In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Most
people
believe that the
shopping could Correct article usage
apply
identify
as a hobby rather than Wrong verb form
be identified
usual
routine task as it was in the past. I completely agree that Correct article usage
a usual
this
tendency has more disadvantages than advantages,
because these acts can cause Remove the comma
apply
in
Change preposition
apply
people
addiction
and financial problems.
Firstly
, nowadays majority of humanity have
enjoyment from shopping, and it Correct subject-verb agreement
has
starts
to increase Wrong verb form
has started
of
Change preposition
in
development
Correct article usage
the development
to
shopping Change preposition
of
addiction
. It is happening due dopamine
that comes through buying some new things, and that dopamine disappears very quickly so that Change preposition
to dopamine
people
want to acquire more stuffs
that surround them. It is unsafe for all Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
people
,
since it is hard to get out Remove the comma
apply
from
Change preposition
of
this
addiction
. For example
, shopping addiction
is almost the same as an addiction
from
gambling, and Change preposition
to
people
really need to cure from
it. Change preposition
apply
Instead
of cheap dopamine people
should get fun from other things, like meditation, reading, jogging etc.
Secondly
, consumption of various things leads people
to trouble in finance. Since, in current time
managers of large stores and shopping malls already know how to get more money from consumers. They improve the marketing sphere of their shops and search for a victim for it. Fix the agreement mistake
times
As a result
, most families will have financial problems due to
all these confusing products. For instance
, in the past, people
went to the shop when they really need
something for a living, and all Wrong verb form
needed
founders
of stores had no tricky marketing for consumers.
In conclusion, thankful for these provided explanations, reasons and examples I strongly believe that regarding shopping as a hobby is a very dangerous delusion.Correct article usage
the founders
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task achievement
Expand on the positive aspects to balance your argument. Mentioning only the disadvantages makes your essay one-sided.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. Avoid repetitive use of similar sentence patterns.
general
Work on refining your grammar and vocabulary to avoid small mistakes that can affect the clarity of your points.
task achievement
You provided clear reasons and examples to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to organize your ideas effectively.
task achievement
The points you made are relevant and provide a clear stance on the issue.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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