It is a common aspiration among people to run their own business, rather that work for an employer. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

With the rapid
development
of the times, the employment problem of young
people
is
one
of the most headache-inducing issues existing in society. Everyone has different aspirations and ambitions, which fosters them to choose different ways of living. Some
people
will choose to
work
for others,
while
another part of
people
choose to start their own businesses. For those who start their own businesses, in
this
way, they can put their creativity and ideas into practice and realize their personal dreams and pursuits to give full play to their own potential
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and obtain a great sense of achievement and self-worth.
In
addition
, if the
business
is successful, it may bring generous economic returns and there is a large room for wealth growth. Concurrently, starting
one
's own
business
has a high degree of autonomy, with making independent decisions, controlling the
development
direction of the
enterprise
, and operating
according to
one
's own concepts and methods.
Furthermore
, it can
also
create employment opportunities for society and make contributions to economic and social
development
. For starting
one
's own
business
, I think there are
also
many drawbacks.
Due to
the influence of external factors,
for example
, market changes and policy adjustments, most industries are already approaching saturation in the market. The
business
model of industries has become a monopolized state, so it is very difficult to find a breakthrough for innovative
development
for us. The future
development
is definitely full of uncertainties. If someone wants to start a
business
,
this
is a great test of their courage and boldness,
as well as
sufficient innovation ability is required.
In
addition
, the risk of
business
failure is very high with a large amount of time, energy and funds alike
need
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
to be invested
while
the return period is
also
very long. In the early stage of
enterprise
development
, you may be in a state of loss or
meager
Change the spelling
meagre
show examples
profit for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long-term run, and there is a greater possibility of facing problems
such
as capital loss or debt pressure. Some
people
choose to
work
for others with
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a fixed monthly salary income, which is relatively stable in terms of economic support and can meet basic living demands. They don't have to bear the
business
operation risks, and the
work
pressure is relatively small.
In
addition
, even if the
enterprise
is not well managed, they can change jobs relatively easily. Simultaneously, they can
also
learn professional skills and accumulate experience in
work
to improve their abilities with the help of the
enterprise
's platform.
Such
a
work
model usually has clear working hours and vacation systems, in
this
way, they can find a balance between life and
work
relatively well.
However
, the downside is that the salary level is often limited by factors
such
as position in the job, kind of industry, and
enterprise
scale, which makes it difficult to achieve rapid wealth growth. Not only that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
you need to follow the arrangements and instructions of superiors
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
,
due
Correct word choice
and due
show examples
to that, personal ideas and creativity may be difficult to fully exert.
Such
a
work
model may lead to limited promotion space for
people
in some enterprises, and they may even encounter bottlenecks in career
development
.
In
addition
,
people
may
also
lack a sense of accomplishment and belonging to
work
in the process of working. In conclusion,
people
need to consider multiple factors when deciding whether to start their own businesses or
work
for others. The most suitable choice for oneself is the best.
Submitted by tl868 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Improve the clarity of your argument by summarizing the key points more succinctly. This will help ensure that your main argument stands out more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of paragraph length. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a specific point and that transitions between them are smooth to enhance readability.
task achievement
Very detailed explanation of advantages and disadvantages, showcasing an in-depth understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and progression of ideas, making it easy to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
Consistent use of connectors and cohesive devices to link ideas and arguments effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aspiration
  • entrepreneur
  • flexibility
  • decision-making
  • financial rewards
  • personal fulfillment
  • challenges
  • financial risk
  • invested capital
  • cash flow
  • guaranteed income
  • work-life balance
  • responsibility
  • pressure
  • burnout
What to do next:
Look at other essays: