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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age of driving motorbikes or cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Many
people
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 think that the increase in the minimum legal
age
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 of driving private vehicles would increase
road
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 safety
in particular
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 places. I totally agree with increasing the minimum
age
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 and setting a limit on driving motorbikes and
cars
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 because
this
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 would address many
road
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 safety issues.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, setting limits on the legal
age
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 of driving private
cars
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 would ensure that drivers on the
road
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 are much more responsible.
This
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 is mainly because teenagers often drive too fast or use their mobile phones
while
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 driving, which creates serious danger for everyone.
For example
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, many major
road
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 accidents involving young
people
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 are caused by reckless driving and a lack of attention on the
road
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.
Consequently
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, raising the legal
age
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 helps to stop these dangerous habits, which directly decreases the number of accidents on roads and protects
people
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.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, preventing
people
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 under the minimum
age
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 from driving would significantly help avoid dangerous situations on roads.
This
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 is because handling sudden problems or hazards on the
road
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 needs experience that young
people
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 usually do not have.
For instance
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, older drivers know how to react better, stay calm, and avoid accidents during severe weather conditions or emergency stops.
Hence
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, strict rules to stop underage
people
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 from driving
cars
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 and motorbikes would definitely make the roads much safer for all drivers.
Conclusion
In conclusion.
Although
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 allowing
people
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 below the legal
age
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 to drive vehicles might be positive for these
people
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, I completely agree that governments must prevent them from driving
cars
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 and motorbikes in order to avoid any detrimental problems.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that the age should be higher. To make your answer stronger, explain why this is the best way, not only one useful way. You could also say why other road safety plans, such as better road rules or driver tests, may not work as well.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but the two body parts are very close. Both say that young people may make unsafe choices. Make the second main idea more different, for example by writing about skill, training, or the way young drivers deal with risk.
task response
Use a more real and clear example. Instead of saying that many accidents happen, give one clear case, such as a young driver using a phone at night and not seeing a person cross the road.
task response
The last part says that driving below the legal age might be good, but it does not explain how. Either explain this point or take it out, so the end stays clear and strong.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each main part do a different job so the reader can see new ideas as the essay moves on.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as 'Firstly', 'For example', 'Consequently', and 'Hence'. Try not to use a link word in every sentence. At times, a simple word such as 'This' or 'As a result' is enough.
coherence and cohesion
Some word groups are not very natural, such as 'in particular places', 'setting limits on the legal age', and 'detrimental problems'. Use simpler, more direct wording: 'on the roads', 'raising the legal driving age', and 'serious problems'.
coherence and cohesion
Check small marks at the end. The ending starts with 'In conclusion.' It should be 'In conclusion,' with a comma, or you can write 'In conclusion, I agree that ...'.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the opening to the ending.
task response
You give reasons for your view, including unsafe driving, phone use, and less skill in hard road situations.
coherence and cohesion
The order is easy to follow. Each main part has a main point, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words help the reader follow the ideas, especially between reasons and results.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • road safety
  • young motorists
  • lack of maturity
  • driving experience
  • risk-taking behaviour
  • reckless driving
  • graduated licensing system
  • compulsory driver training
  • practical driving test
  • strict traffic enforcement
  • speed cameras
  • drink-driving checks
  • distracted driving
  • road safety campaign
  • heavier penalties
  • safer road design
  • reduce accident rates
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