IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#technologies #lives #consumers
It is argued that the rapid of technology has revolutionized the way people shop.
However
, there is a drawback to
this
 phenomenon.
However
, I strongly agree that the shift in buyer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
due to
 technology provides some advantages.
To begin
 with, the transformation of consumer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in buying and selling causes conventional shops to lose their consumers and
markets
.
This
 is because most people prefer to buy products on some modern platform,
such
 as online applications and websites.
As a result
, if the sellers do not improve their ways to pull the consumers, they will lose their
markets
.
For instance
, some traditional
markets
 in Indonesia are closed
due to
 the minimum transaction.
This
 means that there is a major change in the methods of sale and purchase transactions.
However
, despite
this
 drawback, there are some advantages associated with
this
 new trend. One of the most important benefits of the change of the transaction is effortless for both buyers and sellers. The presence of some applications and websites allows the seller to show their products in order to make the buyers more interested. They only just capture their items and
then
 upload them on a certain platform, complete with some details descriptions, and the price.
On the other hand
, the buyers are
also
 just looking for their desired items through their mobile phones and they
also
 could make a payment on their platforms.
This
 means that both consumers and owners could make a transaction without going and standing by at the conventional
markets
 or shops. In conclusion, I firmly agree that
this
 trend would make people more practical to buy and sell products using new technology methods.
Although
 there is a drawback to
this
 trend, I believe that potential demerits could be overcome with proper management and policies.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic, and the position taken is clear. However, try to ensure that every paragraph communicates a single, clear idea without repetition. For instance, avoid using the phrase "However" twice in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make the essay more engaging. This will help in conveying ideas more effectively and avoid redundancy.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion properly.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the main points, making the arguments more concrete.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transforming
  • consumers
  • buying and selling
  • new technologies
  • revolutionized
  • consumer experience
  • e-commerce
  • convenience
  • range of options
  • mobile payment systems
  • transactions
  • challenges
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