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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph shows the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
aged
Add an article
the aged
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in the
USA
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, Sweden, and Japan for a decade.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
USA
Use synonyms
 had the biggest
proportion
Use synonyms
 among two other countries in 1940, but Japan will take
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 lead for the biggest
population
Use synonyms
 in the next 100 years. First of all, the
USA
Use synonyms
 had the biggest percentage of aged people in 1940 with almost 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The
proportion
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 of elderly people in the
USA
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 has gradually
increasing
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 and it is forecasted to reach almost a quarter of
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in 2040. Meanwhile, Sweden had a similar trend
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 where they
strated
Correct your spelling
started
 the
proportion
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 around 7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1940; afterwards, they overtook
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 until it is predicted to reach 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of elderly people in the next decade.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Japan had a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 decline in the
proportion
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 of
old
Add an article
the old
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 with less than 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1960.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage keeps increasing and will have a massive incremental in the late
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2020s until
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 the biggest percentage among other countries.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, population, usa, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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